Bahá'í Alchemy

. Bulimer’s

Phile evict x

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ed, Greg Cummings

Intoduction.ccocesccesscecsecs
The Period of Faith and Stois
"The Five Guidelines for

"The Way I Operate".sssssse
"Meditations". .sessseserere
"Understanding Verse 37, Chapter 6,

In the Gospel of Luke".

"God EXiStS".ccceccecscsovee

The Period of Esistential Thought.
"BXiStENCe" ss .crecerecccscseee
"The Universal Substance"
Short POEMeessseseesecereve

.....

Quotation from Albert Camus. cecsercccccceceereerreccvcs
The Period of Nihlism and Deep Phought..ccccccccserecssssseve

evccrevecceccscre 9

= "Thoughts of a Nihilist".....
~ "Evolution of a Nonconformist
In a Christian Situation

= "Letter to Soren"secercerecece
- "The House of Living"
The Johnny Series.....
—"Tnnosence and Guilt"
—UAtTtitudes".. cece seseeee
"Paul's Letter to the Christian Commur
in Fort Dauphin"
~"Second Letter to Sore:
"Letter to Fort Dauphi
“Letter to Mosquitoes"
"Is He Crying?"..s.ssseseseo

A

......

Important
Nothing from this book shell be reprinted without permission
from the authors:

22a Mt. Elizabeth Rd.
Singapore, 0922

or
Avartado 4205
San Jose, Costa Rica

(c) 1980, GER Productions.

ee

FPULLMER'S PHILOSOPHY
Edited by Gregory Cummings
September 16, 1979

Introduction

I first met Roy on June 22, 1978. I was sitting at
the back of the Dar-es-salaam Yacht Club, when he walked in.
His careless walk, sbppy clothes, unkempt afro, and thin
face almost spelled out his stoic self -- indifferent to
everything.

After I was introduced to him, we got into talking
about Madagascar and the prospects of attending the Ame-
rican School in Fort Dauphin. Having already spent two years
there, I was able to tell him that he would really enjoy it
there. He asked several cuestions about the setting and re-
creation. He sounded quite interested. Roy had never been
to a private, religious, or boarding school before: he was
probably thinking of the American School on the same level
as his previous public schools in Central America and Tanza-
nia. In fact, on the day he left Fort Dauphin, never to re-
turn, he told me that he had expected to come to a school
where each was to himself, not concerned with whether the
other was doing things right or not.

After another week in Dar, I feft for Canada and expected
to never see Roy again, as I planned to stay in Canada. How-
ever; a few months in Canada, and I realized that Madagascar
was the place I wanted to be. So September found me, once
again, back at the American School in Fort Dauphin. Roy had
also decided to ettend the American School.

During the first few Weeks of school, I started to know
Roy better. We would walk out to the Lebanon Peninsula and
talk about different ideas and thoughts. Roy was a real thin-
ker -- there's no doubt about that. At the time, Roy was

Page 2

interested in Taoism, and Stoism, and he also had an ample
interest in Science Fiction. Roy goke of Taaism not as a
religion, but as a philosophy: the concept of total unity
within the Universe was what interested him the most. Roy
was Stoiéfin every aspect. He was indifferent to pleasure

or pain, and, unfortunately, he was also indifferent to his
school work. His interest in Science Fiction inspired him to
write some SF stories although he left none of them behind.

Roy wrote Alot during his stay in Port Dauphin. He has
left me all of his writings,with the exception of a few, and
he has asked me to write up indroductions and edit them all
into one book.

I have devided his writings into threenperiods which
also represent the different stages of thought that Roy went
through during his stay at the American School: the period
of Faith and Stoism, the period of Existential ideas, and
the period of Nihlism and deep thought.

The Period of Faith and Stoism

During the period of Faith and Stoism, Roy was begining
to feel the first tensions from the people around him: the
American School was not what he had expected. He found the
people were overly concerned with the way he should act and the
way he should be. "He chose the Stoic beliefs as his shelter
from the external bombardments. He also "phblisophically"
turned to the Lord for help." This in a way strengtbened his
Christian beliefs. His philosophical outlook on Christianity
can be seen in "Understanding Verse 37, Chapter 6, in the
Gospel of Luke." In terms of Faith, this period was a good

and bad one for Roy. During the first month, Roy was able

to relate to God, but then as time continued, Roy began to
loose his Faith, not because he felt further away, but be-
cause of the atmosphere around him. Roy was constantly being
reminded that he was in a Christen envipenment, amongst Mis—
Sionary's for God. And yet this was not what he knew as
Christian love: Christian love was not intense competition.

Page 3

However, Roy did experience a sort f mental transition, a
transition that acted at its own free will. This sort of tran-
sition $ha$-aeted-et can be seen in his paper, "God Exists."

In general, Roy was begining to feel very suppressed fém those
around who were constantly trying to make him conform to

thier ideas and morals.

i Roy put d4et—af—his ideas on paper, and, despite his ex-
cesive carelessness, he has managed to keep most of them.
During his period of Faith and Stoism Roy wrote anexplanitory
paper on Marcus Aurelius" five gui@lines for the Stoic, "fhe
Way I Operate," "Meditations," "Understanding Verse 37, Chapter
6, in the Gospel of Luke," 4nd "God Exists."

His paper on the five guidlines for the Stoic is simply
stating Marcus Aurelus' guidlines and explaining each one.
During the middle of September, the time when Roy wrote the
paper, he was reading Marcus Aurelius and Aristotle: two of
his many favored philosophers.

The Five Guidlines for the Stoic

1. Do not be vexed at anything that happens.

Reasons: Because when you are vexed, it is because
you have given to much sjnificance to one thing, while
you should look at all the same way.

2. Do not turn away from any man or harm him.

Reasons: Because when you turn away from a man it is
because you do not understand human nature (that it

is not thelr fault they are acting that way) and there-
fore you do not understand yourself. When you turn
away from any man it is because of violation of the
first law.

3. Do not succumb to pleasure or pain.

Reasons: Because it is violation of the first law.
ecause pleasure or pain may lead to a misunderstanding
of our actual surrounding.

4. Do not play a part or act untruly or umincerely.
Reasons: Beaause it is violation of the fifth law, and
the first law. Since your soul's nature is to be
truthfull, when you are not truthfull it is because
external things have affected your soul (viobation

of the first law).

5e Do not do anything without a purpose.
Reasons: Because when you do someting withe purpose,
your soul has meaning to you because you are using it.

Page 4

His next paper, "The Way I Operate," was written about the
same time as the first. It's a short unfinished peek at what
was going on in Roy's mind at the time. He stresses his im-
portance of indifference to good or bad, pleasure or pain.

The Way I Operate

Relation what is good and what is bad. If you
decide to engage in something good, then submit to
it completely, (understand its nature), or if some—
thing bad comes into your mind, understand its
nature too, so as to go back to peacefulness of ming
anytime you wish. The normal state of mind is this:
conscious only of its very exsistence. To under-
stand the nature of things one needs to lok at reality.
Reality is the divinity of the Lord our savior. 44

"Meditations" was probably written in relation to some
of the camp-outs Brian Gibbons, Hoy, and I would go out on.
Roy spoke very little about meditating, although he did stress
the importance of unity and understanding with the objects a
around you.

Meditations 16-10-78,

Take action in dealing with things external to
you. Act as if you also believed in those things;:
play your part. But always remember that all is
paged on opinions, insignificant parts of reality
which therefore cannot hurt you, although you are
Also an insignificant part of reality (but your own a
self is the only stable thing you_can believe in) xx 2
this is because you can get to know yourself so
much more than anything else

"Understanding Verse 37, Chapter6, in the Gospel of
Luke," is a stoic's understanding of the verse, "Judge not,
and you will not be judged; condemn not and you will not be
condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven." He begins by
defining the stoic and carries on to say that verse 37 is
closely related to the ideas of the stoic. The stoic deosn't
form opinions of others and he deosn't let the opinions of
others effect him.

Understanding Verse 37, Chapter 6, In the Gospel of Luke

What this "essay" is actually about is my
personal interpretation of verse 37, Chapter 6,

Page 5

in the Gospel of Luke. Since some backround in
Stoicism might be usefull, (I tend to agree with many
of the Stoic views} I will begin with a short

summary of Stoic philosophy.

The Stoic view on Christianity is that of
near-complete "closeness" to the Lord our Savior in
day-to-day life. This is combined with an unequalled
purity of the soul, which is attained by reasoning
what is act@ally good and bad. This deos not mean
that Stoics then live by what they found to be
good, but by the very power that showéd them what
was good and bad. In other words, virtue (the
divinity within themselves), good d bad are thought
of as malinterpretations of reclity aes

Reality, then, is viewed as being the divinit
of the Lord present in nature (and every one of aei

Thus the Stoics purpose in life is to keep
this divinity within himself free, not harmed by
anyting external. A good description of this is
the following quotation from "Meditations" by
Marcus Aurelius, a Stoic philosopher of the 2nd
Century:

"s. Now this consists in keeping th divinity
within us free from violence and unharmed, superior
to pain and pleasure, nor yet falsely and with
hypocrisy, not feeling the need of another mens!
doing or not doing something: and, furthermore,
accepting all that happens and all that is alloted
us, aS coming from the source (God)..." (Chap. II,
para. 17)

In the Gospel of Luke, especially in Chapter
6, Jesus gives us standards of conduct which can be
easily relationed with those of Stoicism.

"Judge not and you will not be judged..."
(Chap. 6, Verse 37). This actually means that you
Shouldn't form any opinions. Of course, it is
understood that we should form an opinion of the
divinity of our Lord, but of nothing else.

This undoubtedly leads us to the Stoic belief
in observing only what is divine in the creations
around us, notably our fellow men. If we think
unrealistically of them; then the Lord, knowing
that we make judgements about things, and see them
"good" or "bad", will judge us, to see how much
reality we see in Him.

If we do not judge things and not form opinions
about them, but live day-to-day following the course
of nature, the Lord will not judge our loyalty and
therefore use us to transmit his holy message to
those around us who do not see the reality of His
divinity.@@

ee Tngie Tietz's comment: "Obviously if we didn't get so.
involved in judging others, we could more effectively let His:
light shine through us." $} 4

Page 6

Roy's final piece of writing during this period is
"God Exists". In this Roy defines God in relation to the body
and the mind. He recoghizes that God exists and he tries to
organize thet thought into a subconscious feeling. In reading
the last paragraph of "God Exists", one can see that Roy's
doctrine will lead him astray from God, which is exactly what
it did, The transition can be seen clearly.

God Exists

God exists - refer to god as that which your
mind cannot grasp. That is "god" as well as the part
you can grasp. The world should be looked at as a

big wae, with different aspects of interest. Whenever

any importance is given to the body or its needs, or

the bodies of others and their needs, refer to thet

part of the consciousness which is always the same =-

which can see everyting at once =- God.

An easy feel for the world around then emerges.

And it is uo to the individual to control this in 9

relation to "god". If on the right track, degrees

of control can sway according to needs. With this

pleasant attitude, the concept that god exists should

be forgotten as soon as possible (although still

recognizing his existence)

The Period of Existential Thought
As time got closer to the Christmea vacation, Roy began
to adopt new ideas. Existential thoughts soon became supreme.
Roy adopted a lot of his Existentialism from Albert Camus, through
reading some of his novels, like "The Fell, The Stranger, and
The Plague.

The period of Existential thought was probably his happiest.
He made "existence" the dominant factor in all that he did. He
began to(relation himsef in) relate to a Universal scale: Man
wes insignificant, and should not relate himself to a country,
city, race or nationality, out to the Universe.

Roy didn't write much during this period of time, and much
of what he did write he never finished. However, the three papers
he did write were "Existence", one unfinished paper, and a short
poem.

"Existence" was never finished. It was probably a quick
thought that was interrupted by an outsider. However, what he

did write somewhat defines his interpretation of Existentialism.

Page 7

Existence

To be able to cope with anything - arrive at
a fully "existent" (existence at its full) state
in which one is not conscious of the self. This
is temporarily possible, it is at other times
taken up by a positive "feel" for the outside,

The unfinished paper could be named "The Universal
Substance". In this Roy explains man's relation to the
Universe and knowledge by means of a great substance.

The Universal Substance

Since matter is inconceivable, so is our own
origin. Therefore the origin of our own thoughts
must also be inconceivable, Because one believes
in this, consciousness can be fully extended to
the limits this thought represents.

A feeling of"the inconceivable" is now present
wherever one looks. Also, any thought of morality,
society, or ethics that comes to mind can be
questioned as to its origin, @ince it has simply
“entered your mind" from our surroundings.

Our insticts must also be kept in mind:
breathing, warmth andssleep should be kept in
line with day - night periods, impressions which
might, at first, seem very reasonable. Thinking
slower and not getting "carried away" by anything
would probably eliminate this problem. Of course,
there are people who just don't jump to conclusions;
it is not what they would normally do. Anyway#,
even if you ere not one of these persons, it is
still true that nobody stops you from becoming
one, And, since your own self is also an
insignificant part of reality it can be hurt by
those "other" things. Now, take time and stick
to one of those things, one of those opinion -
based thoughts. Instead of choosing one at
random, choose the one you know best - yourself.
Then all other tings will be vewed not as reality
sees them, but as they are viewed according to
you. If you choose to stick to another opinion —
based mode of thought, stick to it completely,
do not think of yourself, and you will be happy.
Because if you do go baék to yourself every once
and a while, the other mode of thought you had
stuck to will be hurt. You are in the middle
of a substance , a substance which covers the
whole universe, this substance is that which
causes human intelligence. You have a specific
place in that substance, which is immobile. You
have the power to move slightly into other parts
surrounding your spot. If you do, though, you
cause part of the substance behind you to move in
to where you were before. If you insist in living
like this,

Page ő

The short poem is simple and meaningful. In reading
#, one can see its relation to the idea of insignigicant
man within the vast Universe.

You are a grain of sand.
2 Look around you - that's real, is it not?
) Sandstorms, hot sun, other grains of sand
Which look like you.

j This is the desert - open emptiness.

During this period, Roy displayed a notice on the
bulletin board describing the absurdity of patriotism. It
was soon followed by a rebuttal from TIME magezine. In
answering the rebuttal a few days later, Roy cuoted Albert
Camus. In this quote Camus talks ebout our declining society
and the increase of hate and uneasiness (exactly what Roy
was beginning to build up a resistance against at the A
American School).

In Response to a News Clipping by a Time Magazine Reporter:

"This is not the first time, of course,
that men have confronted a future materially
closed to them. But hitherto they have
been able to transcend the dilemma by words,
by appealing to other values which lent
them hope. Today no one speaks any more
(except those who repeat themselves) because
history seems to be in the grip of blind and
deaf forces which will heed neither cries of
warning, nor advicey nor entreaties. The
ears we have just gone through have killed
something in us. And thet oe is simply
the old confidence man had in himself, which
led him to believe that he could always evade
human reactions from another man if he spoke
to him in the language of a common humanity...
What with the general fear of a war now being
prepared by all nations and the specific fear
of murderous ideologies, who can deny that we
live in a state of terror? Man lives in terror
because persuasion is no longer possible;
because he can no longer tap that part of his
nature, which he recaptures in contemplating
the beauty of nature and of human faces;

because we live in a world of abstractions,
of bureaus and machines, of absolute ideas and

of crude messianism. We suffocate among
people who think they are absolutely right,

whether in ther machines or in their ideas.
And for all who can live only in an atmosphere

of human dialogue and sociability this silence

end of the world."

Page 9

"To emerge from this terror, we must be
able to reflect and to act accordingiye I
believe, however, that instead of simply blaming
everything on this fear, we should try to do
something about it."

by Albert Camus

The Period of Nihilism and Deep Thought

As Roy continued his travels through thought and experience
he began to encounter a sudden deep slope into a pit of
more intensified and more enhanced thought. He began to
take a difficult and obscure view of those around him who
were constantly pressuring him.

His first writing during this period was "The Thoughts
of a Nihilist". This paper describes the nihilist - a new
label to his more intricate form of thought - and the way
he thinks, It describes, through rather primitive
parallelism, the method in which the nihilist"attacks",
and "dissects" the personalities of individuals in his
guest for a personality similar to his own.

Thoughts of a Nihilist

pAn tI e 3

All our victims were like this; some, though,
could have been a little fatter. This, of course,
doesn't matter since it is their personality
which interests us at the moment. Their physical
characteristics might come into use at the time
of the torture, or when they are seen suffering
and dying.

Because we are searching for proper personality,
it is in the proper social group and proper
environment where we should first look. But
personality also poses problems, of the kind we
don't understand; but that's of least importance.
The important aspect now is to view personality
as what it really is. Then a further grasp of
the absurdity of the experiment will ensue,
bringing us to the realization that we are absurd
too (so much for Romanticism).

Any how, the means of torture and annihilation
are of the most importance; it is these which
become the object of utter evilness to our victim.

Seine Ge ae who posses s these values: i
er oe

t's because when they were small they learned
of only a few things which they should approach

oy en ‘equally absurd look on his Thought. Maybe
tha

Page 10

on egual terms, although our tools are innocent
enough; it is us who they should despise (so
much for philosophy)

Once our machines are ready, we must make
sure that the project is kept private; since
there are people who, as a habit or pastime, get
deeply involved in other people's affairs. Life
nowadays has these limitations; no one can safely
do whatever they feel right, or useful, without
getting some psychologically dislocated being
(whose way of life is the activities of others)
involved. One must always be on guard, for
they roam the streets at night or might be your
best friends, trying to convince you to change
your activities to do something else, which
they have gathered to be of more importance.
these people are easy to recognize(so much for
libertism

I must apologize at this time, I find it
hard to keep to my subject. Maybe I'm one of
those who jump from subject to subject with no
purpose; so maybe I need some help to find a
purpose for the sequence of my thoughts or
something (so much for psychology)

And so much for writing, for I presume that
the reader has lost interest in this absurd
piece of writing; so that I may be left to myself
in my activities.

It seemed as if Roy was deemed to fall farther away
from*normal” thinking into a pit of the ultimate philosophy,
for it was during this period of thought that Roy experienced
the worst tragedy at the American School - he was w expelled
for purchasing marijuana and habitually using it. It doesn't
sound half as tragic as it does deserving) but there's more
to the situation than the facts, and that tended to be the
biggest problem of all.

Roy was first told to leave the school to live as
far away from the community as possible. He was treated
psychologically like a criminal who deserved to be locked
up. This had an undying effect. on Roy. The next hit was
being told that he could stay provided hissmother and he
lived off campus. The catch: they didn't want him. They
did not went a weirdo on their hands (according to some
of the staff members, Roy was weird: the extent of theér
moral support). At this point Roy was really lost ina
world of confusion: a confusion thet was totally changing
his way of thinking.

Page 11

A month after the tragedy, Roy began putting his thoughts
down on paper again. His first attempt wes a good one, and
it fully deseribes his state of mind and philosophy. "The
Evolution of a Nonconformist Mind in a Christian Situation"
is a pamphlet Roy wrote describing the effect of the
surrounding Christian community on his philosophy. However,
due to the fact that Roy was experiencing a labelled
"Christian environment" for the first time, his reasoning
of how Christians relate was quite incorrect, especially
since he was reffering to the missionaries in Fort Dauphin.
The pamphlet is divided into several parts, each, as"
Roy describes it, leading into each other as a transition oui
from the general terms of Roy's thoughts to the hard core \ ÉN
of his philosophgy during thet time. ae
The first section, which was intended to be the
beginning of a diary, is his reasoning of how one should
view another personality. This section might be viewed
as one of the many rungs on the ladder up which he is
building. He carries on into a mond of satisfaction:
he has reached a new doctrine, "Without space there is no
matter, without matter there is no space". This is the
basis for his next section in which he discusses the doctrine
and explains the logic.
Each of the sections can be related to an attitude or
a situation at the school, since it was what was going on
at the school that influenced him. In his next section
Roy speaks, in idealistic terms, of the evolution of the
differant feelings that he finds important, and the steps
towards a nihilistic Utopia. Friedrich Nietzche's "
can clearly be seen as an influence there. Roy was, at the
time, greatly interested in the writings of Nietzche, but
as he read further into his works, he began to build up
a resistance to some of his ideas, until he finally dropped
Nietzche in favour of Hefibert Spencer. However, the influence
of Nietzche will always be there.
In the next section Roy picks up alot of Spencer's
ideas and formulates them into terms and ideas that relate
to his state of mind. He takes up a more existential (but
still nihilistic at heart) view in his self @ surroundings,
relations: a unity must exist. He constantly calls his

Page 32

theories, ideas and doctrines as part of his search for
nihilism, a quest that must be maintained.

In the next section Roy develops his "Theory of
Relativity". He builds up on what is reletive most of all
in our present society only to call it pure foolishness;
only to denounce our reactions to God. He describes what
is relative in thankfulness and objectivity. He uses our
bodies to show that hunger is relative. And he stresses the
unity of out bodies with the outside world, a step that
follows complete thankfulness for the body.

The final section sams up the importance of space -
matter, love, knowledge and purpose, and general thankfulness,
stressed in the previous sections, and introduces the final
sense, the sense of reason. This is the final rung, the
last step before nihilism, as Roy describes it. However,

Roy explains that ultra-reasoning, in his terms, cen lead

to an unbalanced relation with the optside, since it involves
too much external commitment. He describes the usefulness

of reason, and how one can lead it up to develop "ultimate
nihilism", a process that must be executed with great care.

Evolution of a Nonconformist Mind in a Christian Situation

Introductory Note

The "Letter to Soren" and the first entry
to my diary dated March 26, 1979 are included in
this pamphlet to give an idea to the reader of
the chaotic state of mind I was in during my

- stay with the American community in Fort Dauphin,
Madagascar.

The intended text of this pamphlet are the

five note pages, which represent different states

of mind, _I first thought up the state, fully 5 ae
believed in it, and then wrote it down. Every F A.
sentence is a further insight into the feeling
I am trying to build in every note pages

I could write ten or more pages on every
one of these pages, simply explaining ny point
further. Thus, every sentence should be read
and its meaning mnderstood before jumping to
conclusions.

Also, the notes represent an evolution from
a desperate, extremely non-conformist and nihilistic
state to one of a rich and full meaning of life.

Page 13

Tne first note-page should be considered
as a mind state in itself, and the rest of the
pages simply add on to it (evolution).

I repeat that these notes were made for my
personal use and that any difficulty in understanding
them is regretted. 4

Roy F. 4/4/79

Monday, March 26, 1979

It is now 10 P.M. and today is the day I
have dgeided to start writing a diary. I will
start off with a long description of my past
life and then start fresh with events as they
show Upe
I felt like writing today because I feel k

that I'm nearing a good perception of nihilism.

This year, most notably, I have engaged in a long

and thirsty hunt for the state of nihilism. My

most recent insights include seeking purpose |

as a distinction between matter end living,

recognizing the body as insignificant as it is. \ VA

And not saying that anyting is wrong of bad. \ 1 S

Conseguently, not saying that anything is good >

or righteous. But then, what does one seek in a

personality? And I have the suspicion that it

is what stands owt the most to us - what they

think of themselves. I don't see this feeling

cen then be broken down into good or bad, or

anything that it also possesses; instead, to see

its value better, one must compare it with our wile

nihilistic perception of thew th the world. — ` k
I think tbat, in a time like the one we live

in, where there are so many types of people, one

needs to recognize the physical world as much

as your own body, so that this perfect harmony

will result in a nihilistic evaluation of

personalities. This is only theory, though, and

I will have to experiment with different alternatives.
One thing I must beware of is putting things

down as wrong because of its relationship to

something else. A "genealogy" of matter end space,

as well as a genealogy of knowledgeable and u

unknowledgeable attitudes, so that we become

extremely unholy and unphilisovhical. Our basic

attitude is one of attending, noticing, and happy

only in arranging our knowledge into various

imaginations so that we may be amused. I think

this chaotic state will eventually dissipate as

we gain an interest in our most developped virtue.

10:40 P.M.

Page 14

Notes 27/3/73

“ae
Without space, there is no matter, without — fe 4 ie
matter, there is no Space. This is our dilemma, mt
the first part we understand, Since we deal with \ s
matter and it must occupy space. The second part S
we don't understand, since it seems to us that
space could always exists regardless of any matter
occupying it. >

We must come to realize, then, that matter iiA
is what defines space, witkout matter, space Le het
would not be infinite, nor of any size, but non-
existent.

We must come to realize that the first part
of this doctrine belongs to animals of lower
orders, they can only recognize matter; and this
they do bg recognizing the space which they take
from the world arcund them.

Man, though, has learned to recognize the ee’
space around him by being aware of his matter. =
This might seem an impossibility, but the truth
is that man has used knowledge (which is what
links space end matter)lto go against himself.

Since he is only matter, and the evolution of his
brain has enabled it to make use of the qualities
space offers (knowledgde), he has decided to explore
this new world of knowledge, because it will help
him understand his material world. Thus man
should be able to coordinate these two worlds to
come up with the answer that is most pleasing in
this confusion: nihilism.

{le 30/3/79
3 In the beginning man was love and fear. Then R

J

grew the sense of owners , which got confused
with love to a disagreea degree. Then grew,
out of ownership, the sense of purpose, a useful
one to be used when man forgets his sense of G
ownership. Then man will live in e wonderful H if
state of love, knowledge and purpose.
Out of fear and ownership also grew hate, \
which will disappear when ownership will.
Then, in the lig of the usefulness of the

sense of purpose, ni ism will flourish. Religious
beliefs, morals, "goodness" would have all disap-
peared long ago, to be replaced by generosity,
honesty, and a strong desire to live a simple, ee
slightly imaginative life. =

Of course, "morality" and the other imaginations
will be looked on as without logic, reality, or
understandable essence and purpose. Such will
be the conflict between nihilists and moralists:

morality starts the war, nihilism ends it.
t of ownership also grew the sense of

1 - this is strictly in "human" terms, since
knowledge doesn"t exist without us

Page 15

self-consideration, out of which religious beliefs
and morals grew. All these terrible outgrowths
have had but one "good" outgrowth: the sense of
purpose. Utilizing this sense of pmrnose to
destroy the sense of ownership and all its other
consequenses, man will finally live in true love
and fear, not hate end ownership, and will truly
appreciate the usefulness of his intelligence

and knowledge.

1/4/79

After recognizing the space - matter doctrine
and the love, knowledge and purpose ¢octrine
(notes 27 & 30/3/79 respectively) one must generate
a balance between what one seeks and what one
wants to be, so that, for example, by assimilating
externals to nihilism and tragedy, one becomes
a nihilist because correspondence between internal
relations must balance with external relations
(Spencer). Once an individual has been "seasoned"
with these thoughts, their objectiveness must be
forgotten, for in nihilism there is no need to
be objective.

Instead, a person should "invent" a better
way to be. In nihilism, this simply means setting
a distinction between the different levels of
objectiveness and anxiety present throughout the
day.

Objectiveness is an expression of anxiety,
and should be cut short so that its only use would
be to perceive objects and observe them well.

After that body humger for food should be compared
strongly eith the striking anxiety and objectivenesas
(whieh is out of proportion) present in the persons
around.

If this still "slightly objective" search for
nihilism can be maintained, a "feeling" will de
definitely ensue - thet is nihilism. To maintain
this position, if it is found to be hard to maintain
the personshould learn to laugh at everything,
thinking that every thought, feeling, etc. that
they see present around them has taken a lot of
effort to create and express.

Furthermore, one should be proud of one's
abilities to hear, see and touch things and a
stronger awareness in this respect would also
be useful.

Theory of Relativity 2/4/79
In our previous discussion of Spencer's
doctrine of the action of internal relations to
external relations, we have obviously left out
one point: relativity.

Page 16

What is relative here is our "God", that part
in us which treats us ecual to all ese. This part
in us corresponds nicely with our body. It is
the part of our consciousness which "thanks" the
body for supporting the brain with food, warmth,
oxygen, etc. It is the part in us which has been
overwhelme by the seemingly endless power of objectivity-
its modern day

What is rlative here is how we use this
thankfulness, which will then guide objectivity,
for objectivity is dangerous to handle by itself -
it is what leads to insanity.

We have now reached a point where the next
step must be handled carefully. Since objectivity
and thankfulness can be so close and act on each
other, we must not guide our thankful state using
objectivity. We must begin with our bodies. To
be in a state of hunger can prove useful to do
this sort of guidance.

After one is thankful for the body, of course,
th next step is to assimilate the external world
to it. As you probably already understand, we
must also begin our perception of the outside
world through its objectiveness and then move on
to anxiety but must not involve eny search for a

ood understanding of its anxiety or objectiveness.
fnstead it should be, in a deeper, incomprehensible
sense, compared with our thankfulness for our
bodies.

Notes 3/4/79

Since thankfulness can be expressed in so
many different ways, it must be kept to very
general terms, so as to become more of a feeling
than a down-to-earth thankful state.

If this state could be seen in very general
terms, though, what would follow is the burst of
Reason!

Yes, brothers! It is in this state of having
recognized space - matter, love, knowledge and
purpose, and finally general thankfulness!that we
start our search for reality. "God" was created
from this state of mind, and so was ownership!
And so was morality and hate!

Now that we have this new power, Reason, we
can view ourselves in perspective to the world.
We can @sk ourselves "Where are we standing now}"
and be able to say "Madagascar" and at the same
time feel our position on the earth vecause of
reason.

We can now view the earth and humanity as an
extra+terrestrial would.

Let us not get carried away: Reason is
dangerous, since it deals with external relations
to a degree that could upset the balance they have
with internal relations.

If we are careful to reason about our
existence in extremely general terms, without c

Page 17

coming into contact with the internal relations
mentionned before, whet would heppen? Ultimate
nihilism.

We would not believe or care about anything,
except having things take their normal course. We
would be creative, imaginative.

The next point of "Evolution of a Nonconformist Mind

in a Christian Situation" is on a different level of thought.

"Letter to Soren" is written in letter form to a friend of
Roy's in Dar-es-salaam. However, it was not written with
the intentions of send

it to anyone. It is merely a
Gescription of his present state of mind. He begins with
the ironic statement that he no longer philosophical
or religious ideas, and carries on to declare his idea of
growth. "Letter to Soren" gives you a clear idea of the

extent of Roy's religious beliefs and his reasonning behind

his disillusionment. The rest more-or-less explains itself.

Letter to Soren

Soren, my thoughts have entered a vacuum,
I no longer favour any type of philosophical idea
or religion; I (at least I try) only grow. My
belief is that life is the instinct for growth.
Maybe it is more pleasurable to live under some
type of social atmosphere, where you define
yourself as someone in a group. That's fine,
at least I recognize that without people, I would
not be what I am... sut I just don't get tired
of questionning things, and it so turned out, to
my mind, thet everything has a contradiction so
fhat we are left with nothing that stands out.

since we are faced with the dilemma that either

Nothing. The thought of matter is inconceivable g

ell matter can be broken down to one unit, or
that matter can be broken down incefinitely. (
Both views are equally absurd. The same with

ba
religion. Can all things be traced back to one \

God?(Or, with religion,) Or, is there no beginning
or end? Eoth thoughts, again, are inconceivable,
since God must have also been created; yet there
can be no beginning? *
Nothing, my friend, is the answer, your own
consciousness contains nothing, and all your ideas
and morals and standards have been put in you.
Perhaps you will go against whet I'm telling you,
but with whet? - with another thought. Once you
have this thought at hand, take it and ask yourself
is this my thought? - or is it someone else's?
Was it created? - or didn't it ever have a beginning?
These should be your concerns - not tne thought
itself. For what is another thought? Concrete

Page 18

thoughts about our existence are but our own

pride rejection of our inability to see ourselves
aS animals (Something that is good). This is not
our fault, of course, but that of our surroundings
and society. If the society is based upon human
characteristics, such as honesty, freedom, etc.

a good perception of our "growing" existence coulé
come about without upsetting our social balance.

In a Christian community, on the other hand, not
much importance is placed on the upkeep of nature
or human desires, so that only these type of people

can live with themselves. At this point (permit) it
is interesting to note that because there can be

so many types of humans, one type, and that is
the most c
will survive to s

men one, which only believes in growth,
e the ultimate advance of manikind

into outer space, This type of human will be the

perfect growing being, and will possibly reach

a stage where the brain is used most practically,

with no "religious", "moral", “emotional” or
"intellectual" interference to accomplish its

duties. Enough of science fiction, I got carried

away. And if my message has been clear, I wish

you courage to interpret it.
Signed,
Roy F.

During this time Roy was living in seclusion in

a small”

motel cabin on a peaceful peninsula by the beach. He was
able tothink a lot more, and write a lot more. In the

afternoons I used to go pver $o t motel and talk rey Mars
b . sg Sh te yie
"ohilosophy" over a“ğeəkwe and a citerette.~ Tt vad oldotta. LO

that Roy was in a state of philosophical satisfaction.

However, socially, he was suffering. He was at constant

disagreement with those around him, and they were at

constant

disagreement with him. He would sit back trying to figure
it all out, or, as he says in his next paper, "...he keeps

watching this spectacle that unfolds before his eyes.
felt that maybe there was something in this spectacle
but found that after 8 months he could find nothing.

" Roy
for him
However,

in his later writings he is quoted saying,"I know I will

learn to be thankful for what I have learned from the
(Madagascar)"
His next paper, "The House of Livin,

analogical description of our pr
a house. He ridicutes the Chri

the extrov
their cl

place

—— a ae

Page 19 fl

highchair watching the absurd spectacle, end he explains the
nihilist's role in the House of Living.

The House of Living

Nany people enter the house of living to seek
"God" in it. Others want to have a nice time with
other people. But the house of living is a dark
place, and everybody goes in through a different
door. They look all over the place for that light
in the darkness.

Some people don't find that light and become
nihilists. When they first find out that there
is no light, they are afraid in the darkness, but
pretty soon they get used to that darkness and can
see all the people that are in the house; some cling
to each other in the corner: Christians. Others try
to have a good time in the light of morals, but
they keep bumping into each other in the obvious
darkness. 30 what does the nihilist do? He is
amazed - oh yes! - and ke keeps watching this
spectacle that unfolds before his eyes.

What should he do now? Oh, sit and contemn-
late, wait for thase high-strunz moments in life,
when he is excited and happy». Or he might want
to start studying people, their actions, etc. and |
just be happy in watching that mess.

But, in an emergency, the nihilist will
always save his life for the seke of tasting his
next meal.

So much for that break from deen thought: Roy now
osophical theories as :

embarks on a similar use of phi
"Rvolution...". Starting with the “Evolution #£ to Johnny"
paper and continuing through to the "Attitudes" paper, Roy
creates new theories and doctrines, first through an auto-
biographical figure and ending on a purely philosophical
level, using intense terms to combine with hard core ideas.

During this Roy was reading Albert

Saw Camus more as
In "Evolution to Johnny"

Camus, once
nihilist the

Roy devell

a Potentiality is a certain relative
awareness you might heave for an object, or an object might
have for you. Absurdity is that which stendSsin an object
or person; its purnose. He describes the potentiality and

absurdities of objects; building up on his idea of open

MELL elut NK sztó
Page 20

awareness of the objects around.

This is the Transition (Bvolution te Johnn;

Potentislity for the absurd is our fuel. we
become involved in mere trifles when we confuse a
person's potentiality with en object's true poten-
tiality. An object's potentiality should be geared
to enhance the potentiality of the person. In this
case it is the potentiality to se in different place
without changing its state, and its potentiality
to be compared with other odjects as eosurdly as
possible and still retain its innocence to the
potentiality for people to recognize as absurd only
one o ct. Thus peovle can miss out on the world
of the surdity of ects and get all caught up

n only a few. ‘They have to compensate for this
by recognizing absurdity in people, thus having to
create their own absurdities ard thus having to
reject absurdities formed by objects not in their
Tine". Thus people's potentiality is rejection
and should be viewed as such. Absurdity is sought
in objecte so thet friends will reject it and show
their absurdities so that we get a better view
of the world.

Jomny's Thoughts

Johnny realized that all of his thinking woulé
only be there to act on other people. Then Johnny
started wondering about how this world is a great
big mess, and how he could get out of it (suicide? )-
heavens no! He was full of so many thoughts that
finally he thought he hit the right key : the thought
of not being where you are! "Well, if you're not
going to be here, you've got to be somewhere else,"
thought Johnny...

Finally Johnny reacheé the conclusion thet the
feeling of not being where you are is a gigantic
mixture of all the other places you've been to,
although maybe you don't remember half of them. "But
how could I use this in every-day thought?" wondered
Johnny.

Johnny though, thought, and thought. Well, it
must have to do with things eround us, and people.
Maybe if we look around us and start wondering about
objects sround us, just wondering when was the last
time we sew others like them, and all that. But what
does this have to do with people?

Johnny was really confused - other pecole do the
same tning with the same objects, and of course (vaulted
bridges and raised platforms where plays were performed.
When Grijalva sailed along the coast he d he saw
"Three towns separated..."

Page 21

Get a different fee - This feeling, thought,
can be really heavy with t ghts or can be as
light-hearted as the thought of God! Suppose we
teke it to an extreme - that of nothingness. "Voila!" ` 7

"Now we can broach the notion of people" though Johnny,
giggling at ris newly acouired french - "hand me the "j"
will you Albert(Camus)?"

It wasn't too hard for Johnny to think out the
next part of his thoughts - especially after that hit
from Albert. By the way, if anyone has seen our friend
Fred, call 21008, and ask for his mother, Mrs.Nietzche, _
for info on where to deliver him.

Anyways, this feeling must never be forgotten,
therefore we must look for what people have that feeds
it. What feeds it, I guess, is what is most like it.
And in people, Iguess what's most like it is their
ability to think about one thing and talk about it at
the same time, without ever realizing how what they
physically said mingles with the "feeling of the objects."

Johnny Keeps on Thinking

Johnny had dever felt like this before: he had
such a cleer picture of what he was thinking "Surely,"
he thought, "all people don't have the same feeling of
the objects that I do, and so thgy probably don't think
about the same kind of things I do when they talk and
do things."

Johnny had reached a good point, but he decided to a)
simplify things and call "the feeling of the ovjects"

Nothingness.

nd now he couldn't wait to sit up in his chair
and think out a good definition fo this word he just
came up with.

Well let's see, feeling of the objects is certainly
a large feeling it involves all the ojects around us;
and the objects they imply. He remembered that the day
before, while he ate peanuts in front of his favorite
parrot, he had used notinzness to get the feeling that
he was not where he was, "My, what a big feeling,"
thought Johnny. jé

Then, in talking avout objects, it struck him --
what deos one object have to do with anothe one? There
must be some strong relationship, because if we think
of all the objects around us at one time, we an easily
feel that we might as well not be where we are.

"Objects have their purpose, and some can be really
nice because they are used for nice things while others
cen be bad because they are used for bad things." Johnny
wes confused. He was more interested in the feelijg of
not being somewhere but he knew it nad to do with objects

He started playing around th objects and then
realized that if he took two objects that had very little
to do with each other, he would feel that he might as
well not be there to watch them. On the other hand
if he took two objects hat had a lot to do wivh each
othe, he felt that he should think about themmore, and
then he would get too involved.

Me

Page 22

Johnny was really haooy. From now on he would
look at objects and make wierd comparisons and
then feel nothingness, But there were so many
objects that Johnny thought he didn't know where
to begin making comparisons. "The objects I
see most are the ones I use to feel nothingness.
Therefore thdy have a certain potentiality for sure."

"Wow! The tought of potentiality can really
create nothingness," thought Johnny. Now he would
keep an eye out for things that had the votential
to be easily compared with thier ones, and the
more absurd the comparision, the more nothingness §
grows. Johnny knew, though, that in or.er to feel
nothingness he had to be aware of all the objects
around him and how insignificant each one was.
"Each one in itself is insignificant because
only comparisons between them amus: me. ‘he
only unity I find beween objects is this common
Insignificance," thought Johnny.

He still had one problem =- people. "I don't
understand people," he thought as he peered into
his aquarium, "some of them really beleive in
God, while others have picked out what makedzthem
happy in the world, and what they think is right,
and heve all these morals."

Johnny had picked out his biggest trout and
was taking it to his room to fry it. His thoughts
were gliking over his mind, to be thought out in
detail later,

He wondered, "People elso know about objects,
and they probably also feel yothingness, but maybe
they don't think much of it," Johnny thought.
Johnny thought that he sould be able to tell how
much a person .hinks of nothingness by trying to
understand how aware they are of the objects
immediately around them. fhe more thy are aware
of them, the bigger their nothingness. Alsos
people who think atot of notningness don't have
any really strong religious or moral beliefs, and,
mast of all, they don't thind of humerous a
certain way, they just don't give to much thought id
to people. For them, companionship is simoly a
person's presence.

"So much for people," thought Johnny, " I
don't like to think of fhem much, I much rather
prefer to think of myself as a peace loving person,
who is happy with his own thoughts about objects,
and just goes around seeing people to share the
peacefullness he has found, but then again is always
gratefull for companionship, no matter what."

Page 23

Johnny was thincing about companionship.

He then realized that its meaning can be traced
back to "the objects." First, all objects are
recognized as insignificant when we only seek compa-
risons between them. Then comes a peacefull state,
brought about by the thought that nothing can go
against ué since objects, including people, are

all insignificant. This state is closely related

to nothingness.

Companionship is simply the potential for two 7
people to make comparisons beween objects, sinking te pa
deeper into abstract ideas and arriving at a
deeper sense of nothingness.

Seay It was during this period of time that Roy had completely
Shut ninseëit away fFöm tne AMEFÍGER Sanot: There Were very
few peiople that he would relate to besides myself. On many
occasions I tried to change his course of thoughts in order
that he might enjoy his surroundings more, but Roy wouldn't
have that. He was deeply devoted to his thinking and philo-
sophy (although he claimed that is wasn't philosophy at all)
and felt himself to be on a higher level than those around him.
He had lost ell Faith im God, and rejected any of my attempts
to bring him back to the Lord. Roy was his own master, king
of his own Kingdom of thoughts -- solitude was his best friend.
Roy was close to nature and he viewed all of it, not as something
to be admired, but as part of our envirionment that we should
plainly appreciate. He related to a mountain on the same level
as he related to a blade of grass: all was nature, and all
was to be appreciated. Objects seemed to be his main concern.

His next paper, "Inosence and Guilt," deals with the |

relation of Inosence and Guilt to potentialities and absurdi-
ties. He continues his relation to objects and describes the l
human attitude towards these objects, explaining a fulfilling

method in which one can benefit from the relationship. He

uses different human feeling to strengthen his point, and

concludes by giving experimental advice as to how the reader

can benefit from his feeling about objects in a systematic r

waye

Page 24
Innocence and Guilt

One point I forgot to ion in "Johnny Keeps
on Thinking", was the imorotance of innocence and guilt.
Innocence is recognizing a stronger potential than
your own (potential for the absurd). Most of daily
life is the recognition of greater potentialities
for the absurd than your own.

Since it all boils down to creating nothingness
out of comparesions, this is what companionship
consists of. Both persons try to arrive at a state
where any potentiality they have which is greater
than thier companions is totally ignored, so that,
with the equal potentiality they have in common, no
matter whet it is, they arrive at a fuller sence of
nothingness.

The ability to recognize potentiality is what we
use when we are alone. It consits, first of all,
in not viewing the world in a systematic order. It
has to be a sinle, all-encompassing thought must be
a relationship between one object and many other
ones, so far as to form an attitude (when we recognize
its potentiality and feel innocence). We must be
carefull to only feel innocence and not what it
eventually becomes, which in fact is fear. Fear comes
when we recognixe th potentiality is acting directly
on us. It is our thought in fact, but i$ should not
be recognized as acting on us, instead, that it is
acting on the world through our menial guidance.

To keeo it unsystematic, one usually tries to forget
the object one is comparing to all el e. One might
also keep it in the back of the mind.

Many people, search
for reality, form many attitudes, and choose the ones
that are most appropriate when thy need them. However,
then they are not good in one attitude, so they can
only feel coməarionship with the people that iorm thie
same attitudes. This leads to hypocrisy.

Most of daily life, then, is forming that single
attitude by remembering one object and comparing all
else to it, and remembering the most significant
comparasions they have make beween objects in the light
of the object you were remembering. When enough co-
mparisions have been make to remember the attitude,
the man object should be forgotten, and tus your
attitude is le t uasu ported, and starts the search
for another object in order to form another attitude.
Right now, you are probably using this paper as the
main object, so that it conflicts with the main object
you had before reading this papers! Probably you
have already for-otten your main object, maybe it's
your house, ofr the school, or maybe it's your night
sable, rug and chaér where you read. Whatever it is,
sry to switch back to it when you finish reading this,
and view this paper in its light, and remember thet
its light is en attitude.

Page 25

In "Attitudes," His next paper, Roy picks up where he
left off in "Innosence and Guilt." He explains that his
writings in "Ifnosence and Guilt! deal with the human feelings.
He follows up on that by giving you a less harmful method in
which to deal with it, and a method in which tt deal with the
people around you.

Attitudes

The "main object" may be a group of objects,
several of them, but the attitude is the same.

You may find, however, that finding an unsyste-
matic way of thought is an extremely difficult thing
to do. By nature we are systematic, and so we mst
be systematic about some thing or the other. Since
internal relations must balance external relations,
we will not try to systemyz externals because then we
would not te able to control our systematic thought
that would follow. Instead, wh think of ourselves
as systematic, in that 5e see through our eyes, hear
through our ears, talk through our mouths and that
our moo&s thang according to external relations.
External relations are the objects of our attitudes.
Externels should be understood so thet we feel th t ow
our very presence is a corruption to the unsystemistion
around us. On the other hand, the readers will soon
come to realize that in order to follow up what has
been said in the last pages, they would have to
think in terma of pwople on y, they woyuld have to
study thier attitudes and thy would be too consious
of what they ar e immediately doing and if they are i
in a good mood then. Tye reader will realize thet
even thinking in terma of objects, and what piople
think of them, thay will get too cought uo on whet
they think of objects and if they're thinking properly
of them. If we think in terms of our position in
the town and the position of the people, all this
is thrown down the drain. I plead to you, brothers,
to first follow up as many philosophical ideas as
you possibly can, and then throw them down the draiin.
The best way to throw them down the drain is to think
in ters of your position, comfort, hunger, temperature,
time of the day, and aeeste the fact that people are
not complicated at all. See in them the amount of
attention they give you, the more they seem aggressive,
revolting, or bothersome. Agam, pepole are walking p
potentialities, try to pick out in them thier most
aggressive nature, which is the most powerfull.

This is a time for me to rejoice, for my phi-
losophica2i writing has come to an end. From now
on 1°11 write stories.

R.F.

Page 26

In Roy's i paser, “Pahl's Letter to the Christian

Gommunity at Fort Dauphin," an assignment for Religious
Studies, he takes on the role of the Apostle Paul in araly-
sing the Christian Community in Fort Dauphin in a most

pius manner. He leads you to beleive that he really did
beleive in God. But Roy had 211 the experiences of the aver-
age Christian, and he new the objectives of Christianity.

He points out two faults in the Christan Community:
thier exaggerated use of worldly values in relating to the
Holy Spirit, and thier ignorance towords the Malagasy commu-
nity with which they work.

Paul's Letter to the Christian Community
at Fort Dauphin
To the community of God present in "Fort Dauphin,
Madagascar, with my ble ngs. Being called, by
the will of God, to deliver a message of encouragenent
and advice to your community, I pray that you may
benefit from it.

When I think of our church in the present times,
I always thand the Lord for you. It is with great
satisfaction that I hear of thepower of God's word
there. I see in Port Dauphin an unlimited future
for the resence of Gods! grace and the mercifull work
of the Holy Spirit. And in this I rejoice, for you
have kept faithfull to my advice and, eccordingly,

I give thanks to the Lord.

My first concern is your actions and immediate
triflel; if thgy lend themselves to proper guidance
by the power of the Hogy Spirit. Most important of
all, then, is recognition of the Holy Spirit es the
source of daily consequences and inpirations. But
let us not be drawn astray, for we often use worldly
possessions and values te represent the Eoly Spirit.
I repeat, for your sake, that our worldly values as
well as those of people around us can easily be
powerfull tools of Satan; we must not think highly
of then. Live in Peace, and be assured in that
God's promise is one whi.h deserves far more attention;
it deals with eternity. In our every actions and
propositions, we must keep this in mind, thaz we
have chosen God's etenal salvation, and we rejoice
that we acan make such choices.

There is no need for furthe compj;ication; most
of them are immateriel, compared to the fulfillment
our souls Know in the Holy Spirit.

Page 27

Remember, then that there is no need to be toubled
or vexed when we deal with worldly events; it ss with
GA's genee that we shall live unlitl the day of
judgment.

My second concern is your avility to understand
the attitudes of the Mala „asy peopoe. This is
essential, since it is through these attitudes that
God is presently working through. We must fully
understan them, and together enyance in us the power
of the Holy Spirit. In your dealings vith them, to no
not get involved in thier personal lives; that will
come when they have respect for you. Most important
is to generate something in common with them; and
thet is an attitude of forgiveness and love. Be
open to anything they say of do; if it is sinfull; do
not get upset or vexed, just your presence will
show them that God's will is in another direction.

Do not get upset; be giad that you have had such an
opportujity to know them better, andin your

ations and thoughts, show them the fölfillment you
know and are willing to ecourage in them.

Roy was now nearing the end of his stay in “adagascar and
he final y had a light to look forward to. His mother had to
leave because his grandmother took ill, and Roy was finishing
up his school year early in order to go with her. He felt to-
tally independant from the American Community -- only school
kept him linked. He still, however felt a cerain starn from
thea commuhity. There was sill a certain pressure that existed
on his misnd. His writing took a different course from here
on, in fact he wrote his last four pieces on his last night
in Fort Datiphin.

His first piece, titled "Second Letter to Soren," summurizes
his philosophical thinking in the past few weeks in more mellow
terms. He states that the largest resistence towards himself
is the people around him, they are what leads him farther into
nothingness. He brings humour and death together in a new th
theory that relates to them on a different level than we commonly
know them by. Ajd finelly, he explainewhow nis relationing of
objects engances his philosophical thinking to 2 geeater level.

Second Letter to Soren

Tomorrow I leave Madagascar, soren, and I know
I will learn to be thenkfull for what I have learned
from the place. I see myself entering a normality
period in my life when I will stop thinking philoso-
phically, I guess I'll be applying the thoughts I
learned here.

Page 28

The result of my thinking here has been signi-
ficant to my mental health: I have been able to extend
myself deeper into my surroundings by recognizing
that which resists me. Anything that forces you t
think about is resisting you. A person talking to you
is resisting you because he narrows you down to a
simple characterizeation which he thinks of you as.

You are not this , however, you are are an un-
deternined point in nature.

What resists you, then, is mostly people, for
nature deos not resist you; it is there, and only its
position and variaty should interest us.

Therefore people do not become that essential, we
would prefer to be in veace of mind that to have
someone resisting us.

Another result of my thinking is my definition
of humor: humor is the comparesion between how you
are and what something else thinks of you as.

If you can really understand the latter part, there is
humour. This can be expressed as seing yourself from
two different eyes: someone (or something) elses’

and your own. A truly humorous person can therefore

be in real attack upon moralism and religious beliefs.
Instead of seeking god, the person tries to see himself
projec ed into different aspects, etc.

A sense of humour can reelly stand out in people;
it is whet we use in moralistic terms, to "escane"
from "reality."

In nihilistic terms, it is the biggest truth of
life, and can be applied to many a situation.

A third thing I learned was never to think
avout death. It is completely useless and insane.

First we must be really humorous, and then think
of death as your conversion into one of those small
insignificant oBjects in the world.

My most recent develonements have been the
down to earth relationship between objects that have to
do with one anéther. After such a long period of time
soent thinking, I em now getting to know the world
with this method.

Also, this recent steo shows a deveopement deeper
into my feelings, so that I can make e bigger dis-
tinction between myself and other people, I now get
totally absorbed in things people would not think of.
I presume you do not feel nity for me?

Sincerely,
Roy F.

The "Second Letter to Soren" still hes the herd core
philosophical touch that e=isted in all his other writings during
this period. However, his last three follow a more poetic line.

Page 29
His "Letter to Fort Dauhin" blurts out his true feeling towards
the town in harsh terms. He curses it for its effect on those
who visit it.

Letter to Fort Dauphin

You are like the black sheep of the world. . .
a knife which strikes the tender meat of humanity
, . . a point in time and space that deserves no
thought. What a pity that you must live. The whole
town would prefer to visit thier ancestors or go to
heaven, and nature is a thing to be avoided there.
Port Bauphin you are small but powerfull, your
message is of insane entrancement in imagination.
A curse on you! At leest you only disturb those
who visit you, those who come with hope of real li
and find nothing but a fantastic turmoil of values,
caught up end tied tò ether in peoples" mings.

fe

His "Letter to Mosquitoes" brings alot of his philosophical
theories into one example; total indifference to his presence.
Ee ends it with a sort of half insane plead for revelation of
the true relation between the mosquito and himself.

Letter to Mosquitoes

Mosquito, you flirt with my power, deosn't take
you very long to inspire my aggressiveness. but you
make me think... vhat am I doing here watching you?
Deos not my presence affect you?

I could be watching you from Venus with a telescope,
and still you would play your part. Oh mosquito, show
me how you do that#

I smash you and you are still there, only that. .

. not moving. . . Are you still playing yout part?

Show me. . . show me. . . before I die.

And finally; the last of noy's writings in Fort Dauphin,
"Is he Crying." This is probably the most human approach Roy
takes in all his writings. It is not philosophical, but merely
poetic. It is clearly an autobiographical poem, narrated by a
sympethiser who's peading for someone to at least take interest,
notice, or recognition of the one who cries -- obviously Hoy,
silently motionless in his darkened pathetic lonliness.

This might be considered Roy's only atiempt to look at his
situation unphilosophically only to find a very sad person lost
in a world of lonliness.