. Bulimer’s
Phile evict x
rae elhe Saa fers
ed, Greg Cummings
Intoduction.ccocesccesscecsecs The Period of Faith and Stois "The Five Guidelines for
"The Way I Operate".sssssse "Meditations". .sessseserere "Understanding Verse 37, Chapter 6,
In the Gospel of Luke".
"God EXiStS".ccceccecscsovee
The Period of Esistential Thought. "BXiStENCe" ss .crecerecccscseee "The Universal Substance" Short POEMeessseseesecereve
.....
Quotation from Albert Camus. cecsercccccceceereerreccvcs The Period of Nihlism and Deep Phought..ccccccccserecssssseve
evccrevecceccscre 9
= "Thoughts of a Nihilist"..... ~ "Evolution of a Nonconformist In a Christian Situation
= "Letter to Soren"secercerecece - "The House of Living" The Johnny Series..... —"Tnnosence and Guilt" —UAtTtitudes".. cece seseeee "Paul's Letter to the Christian Commur in Fort Dauphin" ~"Second Letter to Sore: "Letter to Fort Dauphi “Letter to Mosquitoes" "Is He Crying?"..s.ssseseseo
A
......
Important Nothing from this book shell be reprinted without permission from the authors:
22a Mt. Elizabeth Rd. Singapore, 0922
or Avartado 4205 San Jose, Costa Rica
(c) 1980, GER Productions.
ee
FPULLMER'S PHILOSOPHY Edited by Gregory Cummings September 16, 1979
Introduction
I first met Roy on June 22, 1978. I was sitting at the back of the Dar-es-salaam Yacht Club, when he walked in. His careless walk, sbppy clothes, unkempt afro, and thin face almost spelled out his stoic self -- indifferent to everything.
After I was introduced to him, we got into talking about Madagascar and the prospects of attending the Ame- rican School in Fort Dauphin. Having already spent two years there, I was able to tell him that he would really enjoy it there. He asked several cuestions about the setting and re- creation. He sounded quite interested. Roy had never been to a private, religious, or boarding school before: he was probably thinking of the American School on the same level as his previous public schools in Central America and Tanza- nia. In fact, on the day he left Fort Dauphin, never to re- turn, he told me that he had expected to come to a school where each was to himself, not concerned with whether the other was doing things right or not.
After another week in Dar, I feft for Canada and expected to never see Roy again, as I planned to stay in Canada. How- ever; a few months in Canada, and I realized that Madagascar was the place I wanted to be. So September found me, once again, back at the American School in Fort Dauphin. Roy had also decided to ettend the American School.
During the first few Weeks of school, I started to know Roy better. We would walk out to the Lebanon Peninsula and talk about different ideas and thoughts. Roy was a real thin- ker -- there's no doubt about that. At the time, Roy was
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interested in Taoism, and Stoism, and he also had an ample interest in Science Fiction. Roy goke of Taaism not as a religion, but as a philosophy: the concept of total unity within the Universe was what interested him the most. Roy was Stoiéfin every aspect. He was indifferent to pleasure
or pain, and, unfortunately, he was also indifferent to his school work. His interest in Science Fiction inspired him to write some SF stories although he left none of them behind.
Roy wrote Alot during his stay in Port Dauphin. He has left me all of his writings,with the exception of a few, and he has asked me to write up indroductions and edit them all into one book.
I have devided his writings into threenperiods which also represent the different stages of thought that Roy went through during his stay at the American School: the period of Faith and Stoism, the period of Existential ideas, and the period of Nihlism and deep thought.
The Period of Faith and Stoism
During the period of Faith and Stoism, Roy was begining to feel the first tensions from the people around him: the American School was not what he had expected. He found the people were overly concerned with the way he should act and the way he should be. "He chose the Stoic beliefs as his shelter from the external bombardments. He also "phblisophically" turned to the Lord for help." This in a way strengtbened his Christian beliefs. His philosophical outlook on Christianity can be seen in "Understanding Verse 37, Chapter 6, in the Gospel of Luke." In terms of Faith, this period was a good
and bad one for Roy. During the first month, Roy was able
to relate to God, but then as time continued, Roy began to loose his Faith, not because he felt further away, but be- cause of the atmosphere around him. Roy was constantly being reminded that he was in a Christen envipenment, amongst Mis— Sionary's for God. And yet this was not what he knew as Christian love: Christian love was not intense competition.
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However, Roy did experience a sort f mental transition, a transition that acted at its own free will. This sort of tran- sition $ha$-aeted-et can be seen in his paper, "God Exists."
In general, Roy was begining to feel very suppressed fém those around who were constantly trying to make him conform to
thier ideas and morals.
i Roy put d4et—af—his ideas on paper, and, despite his ex- cesive carelessness, he has managed to keep most of them. During his period of Faith and Stoism Roy wrote anexplanitory paper on Marcus Aurelius" five gui@lines for the Stoic, "fhe Way I Operate," "Meditations," "Understanding Verse 37, Chapter 6, in the Gospel of Luke," 4nd "God Exists."
His paper on the five guidlines for the Stoic is simply stating Marcus Aurelus' guidlines and explaining each one. During the middle of September, the time when Roy wrote the paper, he was reading Marcus Aurelius and Aristotle: two of his many favored philosophers.
The Five Guidlines for the Stoic
1. Do not be vexed at anything that happens.
Reasons: Because when you are vexed, it is because you have given to much sjnificance to one thing, while you should look at all the same way.
2. Do not turn away from any man or harm him.
Reasons: Because when you turn away from a man it is because you do not understand human nature (that it
is not thelr fault they are acting that way) and there- fore you do not understand yourself. When you turn away from any man it is because of violation of the first law.
3. Do not succumb to pleasure or pain.
Reasons: Because it is violation of the first law. ecause pleasure or pain may lead to a misunderstanding of our actual surrounding.
4. Do not play a part or act untruly or umincerely. Reasons: Beaause it is violation of the fifth law, and the first law. Since your soul's nature is to be truthfull, when you are not truthfull it is because external things have affected your soul (viobation
of the first law).
5e Do not do anything without a purpose. Reasons: Because when you do someting withe purpose, your soul has meaning to you because you are using it.
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His next paper, "The Way I Operate," was written about the same time as the first. It's a short unfinished peek at what was going on in Roy's mind at the time. He stresses his im- portance of indifference to good or bad, pleasure or pain.
The Way I Operate
Relation what is good and what is bad. If you decide to engage in something good, then submit to it completely, (understand its nature), or if some— thing bad comes into your mind, understand its nature too, so as to go back to peacefulness of ming anytime you wish. The normal state of mind is this: conscious only of its very exsistence. To under- stand the nature of things one needs to lok at reality. Reality is the divinity of the Lord our savior. 44
"Meditations" was probably written in relation to some of the camp-outs Brian Gibbons, Hoy, and I would go out on. Roy spoke very little about meditating, although he did stress the importance of unity and understanding with the objects a around you.
Meditations 16-10-78,
Take action in dealing with things external to you. Act as if you also believed in those things;: play your part. But always remember that all is paged on opinions, insignificant parts of reality which therefore cannot hurt you, although you are Also an insignificant part of reality (but your own a self is the only stable thing you_can believe in) xx 2 this is because you can get to know yourself so much more than anything else
"Understanding Verse 37, Chapter6, in the Gospel of Luke," is a stoic's understanding of the verse, "Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven." He begins by defining the stoic and carries on to say that verse 37 is closely related to the ideas of the stoic. The stoic deosn't form opinions of others and he deosn't let the opinions of others effect him.
Understanding Verse 37, Chapter 6, In the Gospel of Luke
What this "essay" is actually about is my personal interpretation of verse 37, Chapter 6,
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in the Gospel of Luke. Since some backround in Stoicism might be usefull, (I tend to agree with many of the Stoic views} I will begin with a short
summary of Stoic philosophy.
The Stoic view on Christianity is that of near-complete "closeness" to the Lord our Savior in day-to-day life. This is combined with an unequalled purity of the soul, which is attained by reasoning what is act@ally good and bad. This deos not mean that Stoics then live by what they found to be good, but by the very power that showéd them what was good and bad. In other words, virtue (the divinity within themselves), good d bad are thought of as malinterpretations of reclity aes
Reality, then, is viewed as being the divinit of the Lord present in nature (and every one of aei
Thus the Stoics purpose in life is to keep this divinity within himself free, not harmed by anyting external. A good description of this is the following quotation from "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius, a Stoic philosopher of the 2nd Century:
"s. Now this consists in keeping th divinity within us free from violence and unharmed, superior to pain and pleasure, nor yet falsely and with hypocrisy, not feeling the need of another mens! doing or not doing something: and, furthermore, accepting all that happens and all that is alloted us, aS coming from the source (God)..." (Chap. II, para. 17)
In the Gospel of Luke, especially in Chapter 6, Jesus gives us standards of conduct which can be easily relationed with those of Stoicism.
"Judge not and you will not be judged..." (Chap. 6, Verse 37). This actually means that you Shouldn't form any opinions. Of course, it is understood that we should form an opinion of the divinity of our Lord, but of nothing else.
This undoubtedly leads us to the Stoic belief in observing only what is divine in the creations around us, notably our fellow men. If we think unrealistically of them; then the Lord, knowing that we make judgements about things, and see them "good" or "bad", will judge us, to see how much reality we see in Him.
If we do not judge things and not form opinions about them, but live day-to-day following the course of nature, the Lord will not judge our loyalty and therefore use us to transmit his holy message to those around us who do not see the reality of His divinity.@@
ee Tngie Tietz's comment: "Obviously if we didn't get so. involved in judging others, we could more effectively let His: light shine through us." $} 4
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Roy's final piece of writing during this period is "God Exists". In this Roy defines God in relation to the body and the mind. He recoghizes that God exists and he tries to organize thet thought into a subconscious feeling. In reading the last paragraph of "God Exists", one can see that Roy's doctrine will lead him astray from God, which is exactly what it did, The transition can be seen clearly.
God Exists
God exists - refer to god as that which your mind cannot grasp. That is "god" as well as the part you can grasp. The world should be looked at as a
big wae, with different aspects of interest. Whenever
any importance is given to the body or its needs, or
the bodies of others and their needs, refer to thet
part of the consciousness which is always the same =-
which can see everyting at once =- God.
An easy feel for the world around then emerges.
And it is uo to the individual to control this in 9
relation to "god". If on the right track, degrees
of control can sway according to needs. With this
pleasant attitude, the concept that god exists should
be forgotten as soon as possible (although still
recognizing his existence)
The Period of Existential Thought As time got closer to the Christmea vacation, Roy began to adopt new ideas. Existential thoughts soon became supreme. Roy adopted a lot of his Existentialism from Albert Camus, through reading some of his novels, like "The Fell, The Stranger, and The Plague.
The period of Existential thought was probably his happiest. He made "existence" the dominant factor in all that he did. He began to(relation himsef in) relate to a Universal scale: Man wes insignificant, and should not relate himself to a country, city, race or nationality, out to the Universe.
Roy didn't write much during this period of time, and much of what he did write he never finished. However, the three papers he did write were "Existence", one unfinished paper, and a short poem.
"Existence" was never finished. It was probably a quick thought that was interrupted by an outsider. However, what he
did write somewhat defines his interpretation of Existentialism.
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Existence
To be able to cope with anything - arrive at a fully "existent" (existence at its full) state in which one is not conscious of the self. This is temporarily possible, it is at other times taken up by a positive "feel" for the outside,
The unfinished paper could be named "The Universal Substance". In this Roy explains man's relation to the Universe and knowledge by means of a great substance.
The Universal Substance
Since matter is inconceivable, so is our own origin. Therefore the origin of our own thoughts must also be inconceivable, Because one believes in this, consciousness can be fully extended to the limits this thought represents.
A feeling of"the inconceivable" is now present wherever one looks. Also, any thought of morality, society, or ethics that comes to mind can be questioned as to its origin, @ince it has simply “entered your mind" from our surroundings.
Our insticts must also be kept in mind: breathing, warmth andssleep should be kept in line with day - night periods, impressions which might, at first, seem very reasonable. Thinking slower and not getting "carried away" by anything would probably eliminate this problem. Of course, there are people who just don't jump to conclusions; it is not what they would normally do. Anyway#, even if you ere not one of these persons, it is still true that nobody stops you from becoming one, And, since your own self is also an insignificant part of reality it can be hurt by those "other" things. Now, take time and stick to one of those things, one of those opinion - based thoughts. Instead of choosing one at random, choose the one you know best - yourself. Then all other tings will be vewed not as reality sees them, but as they are viewed according to you. If you choose to stick to another opinion — based mode of thought, stick to it completely, do not think of yourself, and you will be happy. Because if you do go baék to yourself every once and a while, the other mode of thought you had stuck to will be hurt. You are in the middle of a substance , a substance which covers the whole universe, this substance is that which causes human intelligence. You have a specific place in that substance, which is immobile. You have the power to move slightly into other parts surrounding your spot. If you do, though, you cause part of the substance behind you to move in to where you were before. If you insist in living like this,
Page ő
The short poem is simple and meaningful. In reading #, one can see its relation to the idea of insignigicant man within the vast Universe.
You are a grain of sand. 2 Look around you - that's real, is it not? ) Sandstorms, hot sun, other grains of sand Which look like you.
j This is the desert - open emptiness.
During this period, Roy displayed a notice on the bulletin board describing the absurdity of patriotism. It was soon followed by a rebuttal from TIME magezine. In answering the rebuttal a few days later, Roy cuoted Albert Camus. In this quote Camus talks ebout our declining society and the increase of hate and uneasiness (exactly what Roy was beginning to build up a resistance against at the A American School).
In Response to a News Clipping by a Time Magazine Reporter:
"This is not the first time, of course, that men have confronted a future materially closed to them. But hitherto they have been able to transcend the dilemma by words, by appealing to other values which lent them hope. Today no one speaks any more (except those who repeat themselves) because history seems to be in the grip of blind and deaf forces which will heed neither cries of warning, nor advicey nor entreaties. The ears we have just gone through have killed something in us. And thet oe is simply the old confidence man had in himself, which led him to believe that he could always evade human reactions from another man if he spoke to him in the language of a common humanity... What with the general fear of a war now being prepared by all nations and the specific fear of murderous ideologies, who can deny that we live in a state of terror? Man lives in terror because persuasion is no longer possible; because he can no longer tap that part of his nature, which he recaptures in contemplating the beauty of nature and of human faces;
because we live in a world of abstractions, of bureaus and machines, of absolute ideas and
of crude messianism. We suffocate among people who think they are absolutely right,
whether in ther machines or in their ideas. And for all who can live only in an atmosphere
of human dialogue and sociability this silence
end of the world."
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"To emerge from this terror, we must be able to reflect and to act accordingiye I believe, however, that instead of simply blaming everything on this fear, we should try to do something about it."
by Albert Camus
The Period of Nihilism and Deep Thought
As Roy continued his travels through thought and experience he began to encounter a sudden deep slope into a pit of more intensified and more enhanced thought. He began to take a difficult and obscure view of those around him who were constantly pressuring him.
His first writing during this period was "The Thoughts of a Nihilist". This paper describes the nihilist - a new label to his more intricate form of thought - and the way he thinks, It describes, through rather primitive parallelism, the method in which the nihilist"attacks", and "dissects" the personalities of individuals in his guest for a personality similar to his own.
Thoughts of a Nihilist
pAn tI e 3
All our victims were like this; some, though, could have been a little fatter. This, of course, doesn't matter since it is their personality which interests us at the moment. Their physical characteristics might come into use at the time of the torture, or when they are seen suffering and dying.
Because we are searching for proper personality, it is in the proper social group and proper environment where we should first look. But personality also poses problems, of the kind we don't understand; but that's of least importance. The important aspect now is to view personality as what it really is. Then a further grasp of the absurdity of the experiment will ensue, bringing us to the realization that we are absurd too (so much for Romanticism).
Any how, the means of torture and annihilation are of the most importance; it is these which become the object of utter evilness to our victim.
Seine Ge ae who posses s these values: i er oe
t's because when they were small they learned of only a few things which they should approach
oy en ‘equally absurd look on his Thought. Maybe tha
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on egual terms, although our tools are innocent enough; it is us who they should despise (so much for philosophy)
Once our machines are ready, we must make sure that the project is kept private; since there are people who, as a habit or pastime, get deeply involved in other people's affairs. Life nowadays has these limitations; no one can safely do whatever they feel right, or useful, without getting some psychologically dislocated being (whose way of life is the activities of others) involved. One must always be on guard, for they roam the streets at night or might be your best friends, trying to convince you to change your activities to do something else, which they have gathered to be of more importance. these people are easy to recognize(so much for libertism
I must apologize at this time, I find it hard to keep to my subject. Maybe I'm one of those who jump from subject to subject with no purpose; so maybe I need some help to find a purpose for the sequence of my thoughts or something (so much for psychology)
And so much for writing, for I presume that the reader has lost interest in this absurd piece of writing; so that I may be left to myself in my activities.
It seemed as if Roy was deemed to fall farther away from*normal” thinking into a pit of the ultimate philosophy, for it was during this period of thought that Roy experienced the worst tragedy at the American School - he was w expelled for purchasing marijuana and habitually using it. It doesn't sound half as tragic as it does deserving) but there's more to the situation than the facts, and that tended to be the biggest problem of all.
Roy was first told to leave the school to live as far away from the community as possible. He was treated psychologically like a criminal who deserved to be locked up. This had an undying effect. on Roy. The next hit was being told that he could stay provided hissmother and he lived off campus. The catch: they didn't want him. They did not went a weirdo on their hands (according to some of the staff members, Roy was weird: the extent of theér moral support). At this point Roy was really lost ina world of confusion: a confusion thet was totally changing his way of thinking.
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A month after the tragedy, Roy began putting his thoughts down on paper again. His first attempt wes a good one, and it fully deseribes his state of mind and philosophy. "The Evolution of a Nonconformist Mind in a Christian Situation" is a pamphlet Roy wrote describing the effect of the surrounding Christian community on his philosophy. However, due to the fact that Roy was experiencing a labelled "Christian environment" for the first time, his reasoning of how Christians relate was quite incorrect, especially since he was reffering to the missionaries in Fort Dauphin. The pamphlet is divided into several parts, each, as" Roy describes it, leading into each other as a transition oui from the general terms of Roy's thoughts to the hard core \ ÉN of his philosophgy during thet time. ae The first section, which was intended to be the beginning of a diary, is his reasoning of how one should view another personality. This section might be viewed as one of the many rungs on the ladder up which he is building. He carries on into a mond of satisfaction: he has reached a new doctrine, "Without space there is no matter, without matter there is no space". This is the basis for his next section in which he discusses the doctrine and explains the logic. Each of the sections can be related to an attitude or a situation at the school, since it was what was going on at the school that influenced him. In his next section Roy speaks, in idealistic terms, of the evolution of the differant feelings that he finds important, and the steps towards a nihilistic Utopia. Friedrich Nietzche's " can clearly be seen as an influence there. Roy was, at the time, greatly interested in the writings of Nietzche, but as he read further into his works, he began to build up a resistance to some of his ideas, until he finally dropped Nietzche in favour of Hefibert Spencer. However, the influence of Nietzche will always be there. In the next section Roy picks up alot of Spencer's ideas and formulates them into terms and ideas that relate to his state of mind. He takes up a more existential (but still nihilistic at heart) view in his self @ surroundings, relations: a unity must exist. He constantly calls his
Page 32
theories, ideas and doctrines as part of his search for nihilism, a quest that must be maintained.
In the next section Roy develops his "Theory of Relativity". He builds up on what is reletive most of all in our present society only to call it pure foolishness; only to denounce our reactions to God. He describes what is relative in thankfulness and objectivity. He uses our bodies to show that hunger is relative. And he stresses the unity of out bodies with the outside world, a step that follows complete thankfulness for the body.
The final section sams up the importance of space - matter, love, knowledge and purpose, and general thankfulness, stressed in the previous sections, and introduces the final sense, the sense of reason. This is the final rung, the last step before nihilism, as Roy describes it. However,
Roy explains that ultra-reasoning, in his terms, cen lead
to an unbalanced relation with the optside, since it involves too much external commitment. He describes the usefulness
of reason, and how one can lead it up to develop "ultimate nihilism", a process that must be executed with great care.
Evolution of a Nonconformist Mind in a Christian Situation
Introductory Note
The "Letter to Soren" and the first entry to my diary dated March 26, 1979 are included in this pamphlet to give an idea to the reader of the chaotic state of mind I was in during my
- stay with the American community in Fort Dauphin, Madagascar.
The intended text of this pamphlet are the
five note pages, which represent different states
of mind, _I first thought up the state, fully 5 ae believed in it, and then wrote it down. Every F A. sentence is a further insight into the feeling I am trying to build in every note pages
I could write ten or more pages on every one of these pages, simply explaining ny point further. Thus, every sentence should be read and its meaning mnderstood before jumping to conclusions.
Also, the notes represent an evolution from a desperate, extremely non-conformist and nihilistic state to one of a rich and full meaning of life.
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Tne first note-page should be considered as a mind state in itself, and the rest of the pages simply add on to it (evolution).
I repeat that these notes were made for my personal use and that any difficulty in understanding them is regretted. 4
Roy F. 4/4/79
Monday, March 26, 1979
It is now 10 P.M. and today is the day I have dgeided to start writing a diary. I will start off with a long description of my past life and then start fresh with events as they show Upe I felt like writing today because I feel k
that I'm nearing a good perception of nihilism.
This year, most notably, I have engaged in a long
and thirsty hunt for the state of nihilism. My
most recent insights include seeking purpose |
as a distinction between matter end living,
recognizing the body as insignificant as it is. \ VA
And not saying that anyting is wrong of bad. \ 1 S
Conseguently, not saying that anything is good >
or righteous. But then, what does one seek in a
personality? And I have the suspicion that it
is what stands owt the most to us - what they
think of themselves. I don't see this feeling
cen then be broken down into good or bad, or
anything that it also possesses; instead, to see
its value better, one must compare it with our wile
nihilistic perception of thew th the world. — ` k I think tbat, in a time like the one we live
in, where there are so many types of people, one
needs to recognize the physical world as much
as your own body, so that this perfect harmony
will result in a nihilistic evaluation of
personalities. This is only theory, though, and
I will have to experiment with different alternatives. One thing I must beware of is putting things
down as wrong because of its relationship to
something else. A "genealogy" of matter end space,
as well as a genealogy of knowledgeable and u
unknowledgeable attitudes, so that we become
extremely unholy and unphilisovhical. Our basic
attitude is one of attending, noticing, and happy
only in arranging our knowledge into various
imaginations so that we may be amused. I think
this chaotic state will eventually dissipate as
we gain an interest in our most developped virtue.
10:40 P.M.
Page 14
Notes 27/3/73
“ae Without space, there is no matter, without — fe 4 ie matter, there is no Space. This is our dilemma, mt the first part we understand, Since we deal with \ s matter and it must occupy space. The second part S we don't understand, since it seems to us that space could always exists regardless of any matter occupying it. >
We must come to realize, then, that matter iiA is what defines space, witkout matter, space Le het would not be infinite, nor of any size, but non- existent.
We must come to realize that the first part of this doctrine belongs to animals of lower orders, they can only recognize matter; and this they do bg recognizing the space which they take from the world arcund them.
Man, though, has learned to recognize the ee’ space around him by being aware of his matter. = This might seem an impossibility, but the truth is that man has used knowledge (which is what links space end matter)lto go against himself.
Since he is only matter, and the evolution of his brain has enabled it to make use of the qualities space offers (knowledgde), he has decided to explore this new world of knowledge, because it will help him understand his material world. Thus man should be able to coordinate these two worlds to come up with the answer that is most pleasing in this confusion: nihilism.
{le 30/3/79 3 In the beginning man was love and fear. Then R
J
grew the sense of owners , which got confused with love to a disagreea degree. Then grew, out of ownership, the sense of purpose, a useful one to be used when man forgets his sense of G ownership. Then man will live in e wonderful H if state of love, knowledge and purpose. Out of fear and ownership also grew hate, \ which will disappear when ownership will. Then, in the lig of the usefulness of the
sense of purpose, ni ism will flourish. Religious beliefs, morals, "goodness" would have all disap- peared long ago, to be replaced by generosity, honesty, and a strong desire to live a simple, ee slightly imaginative life. =
Of course, "morality" and the other imaginations will be looked on as without logic, reality, or understandable essence and purpose. Such will be the conflict between nihilists and moralists:
morality starts the war, nihilism ends it. t of ownership also grew the sense of
1 - this is strictly in "human" terms, since knowledge doesn"t exist without us
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self-consideration, out of which religious beliefs and morals grew. All these terrible outgrowths have had but one "good" outgrowth: the sense of purpose. Utilizing this sense of pmrnose to destroy the sense of ownership and all its other consequenses, man will finally live in true love and fear, not hate end ownership, and will truly appreciate the usefulness of his intelligence
and knowledge.
1/4/79
After recognizing the space - matter doctrine and the love, knowledge and purpose ¢octrine (notes 27 & 30/3/79 respectively) one must generate a balance between what one seeks and what one wants to be, so that, for example, by assimilating externals to nihilism and tragedy, one becomes a nihilist because correspondence between internal relations must balance with external relations (Spencer). Once an individual has been "seasoned" with these thoughts, their objectiveness must be forgotten, for in nihilism there is no need to be objective.
Instead, a person should "invent" a better way to be. In nihilism, this simply means setting a distinction between the different levels of objectiveness and anxiety present throughout the day.
Objectiveness is an expression of anxiety, and should be cut short so that its only use would be to perceive objects and observe them well.
After that body humger for food should be compared strongly eith the striking anxiety and objectivenesas (whieh is out of proportion) present in the persons around.
If this still "slightly objective" search for nihilism can be maintained, a "feeling" will de definitely ensue - thet is nihilism. To maintain this position, if it is found to be hard to maintain the personshould learn to laugh at everything, thinking that every thought, feeling, etc. that they see present around them has taken a lot of effort to create and express.
Furthermore, one should be proud of one's abilities to hear, see and touch things and a stronger awareness in this respect would also be useful.
Theory of Relativity 2/4/79 In our previous discussion of Spencer's doctrine of the action of internal relations to external relations, we have obviously left out one point: relativity.
Page 16
What is relative here is our "God", that part in us which treats us ecual to all ese. This part in us corresponds nicely with our body. It is the part of our consciousness which "thanks" the body for supporting the brain with food, warmth, oxygen, etc. It is the part in us which has been overwhelme by the seemingly endless power of objectivity- its modern day
What is rlative here is how we use this thankfulness, which will then guide objectivity, for objectivity is dangerous to handle by itself - it is what leads to insanity.
We have now reached a point where the next step must be handled carefully. Since objectivity and thankfulness can be so close and act on each other, we must not guide our thankful state using objectivity. We must begin with our bodies. To be in a state of hunger can prove useful to do this sort of guidance.
After one is thankful for the body, of course, th next step is to assimilate the external world to it. As you probably already understand, we must also begin our perception of the outside world through its objectiveness and then move on to anxiety but must not involve eny search for a
ood understanding of its anxiety or objectiveness. fnstead it should be, in a deeper, incomprehensible sense, compared with our thankfulness for our bodies.
Notes 3/4/79
Since thankfulness can be expressed in so many different ways, it must be kept to very general terms, so as to become more of a feeling than a down-to-earth thankful state.
If this state could be seen in very general terms, though, what would follow is the burst of Reason!
Yes, brothers! It is in this state of having recognized space - matter, love, knowledge and purpose, and finally general thankfulness!that we start our search for reality. "God" was created from this state of mind, and so was ownership! And so was morality and hate!
Now that we have this new power, Reason, we can view ourselves in perspective to the world. We can @sk ourselves "Where are we standing now}" and be able to say "Madagascar" and at the same time feel our position on the earth vecause of reason.
We can now view the earth and humanity as an extra+terrestrial would.
Let us not get carried away: Reason is dangerous, since it deals with external relations to a degree that could upset the balance they have with internal relations.
If we are careful to reason about our existence in extremely general terms, without c
Page 17
coming into contact with the internal relations mentionned before, whet would heppen? Ultimate nihilism.
We would not believe or care about anything, except having things take their normal course. We would be creative, imaginative.
The next point of "Evolution of a Nonconformist Mind
in a Christian Situation" is on a different level of thought.
"Letter to Soren" is written in letter form to a friend of Roy's in Dar-es-salaam. However, it was not written with the intentions of send
it to anyone. It is merely a Gescription of his present state of mind. He begins with the ironic statement that he no longer philosophical or religious ideas, and carries on to declare his idea of growth. "Letter to Soren" gives you a clear idea of the
extent of Roy's religious beliefs and his reasonning behind
his disillusionment. The rest more-or-less explains itself.
Letter to Soren
Soren, my thoughts have entered a vacuum, I no longer favour any type of philosophical idea or religion; I (at least I try) only grow. My belief is that life is the instinct for growth. Maybe it is more pleasurable to live under some type of social atmosphere, where you define yourself as someone in a group. That's fine, at least I recognize that without people, I would not be what I am... sut I just don't get tired of questionning things, and it so turned out, to my mind, thet everything has a contradiction so fhat we are left with nothing that stands out.
since we are faced with the dilemma that either
Nothing. The thought of matter is inconceivable g
ell matter can be broken down to one unit, or that matter can be broken down incefinitely. ( Both views are equally absurd. The same with
ba religion. Can all things be traced back to one \
God?(Or, with religion,) Or, is there no beginning or end? Eoth thoughts, again, are inconceivable, since God must have also been created; yet there can be no beginning? * Nothing, my friend, is the answer, your own consciousness contains nothing, and all your ideas and morals and standards have been put in you. Perhaps you will go against whet I'm telling you, but with whet? - with another thought. Once you have this thought at hand, take it and ask yourself is this my thought? - or is it someone else's? Was it created? - or didn't it ever have a beginning? These should be your concerns - not tne thought itself. For what is another thought? Concrete
Page 18
thoughts about our existence are but our own
pride rejection of our inability to see ourselves aS animals (Something that is good). This is not our fault, of course, but that of our surroundings and society. If the society is based upon human characteristics, such as honesty, freedom, etc.
a good perception of our "growing" existence coulé come about without upsetting our social balance.
In a Christian community, on the other hand, not much importance is placed on the upkeep of nature or human desires, so that only these type of people
can live with themselves. At this point (permit) it is interesting to note that because there can be
so many types of humans, one type, and that is the most c will survive to s
men one, which only believes in growth, e the ultimate advance of manikind
into outer space, This type of human will be the
perfect growing being, and will possibly reach
a stage where the brain is used most practically,
with no "religious", "moral", “emotional” or "intellectual" interference to accomplish its
duties. Enough of science fiction, I got carried
away. And if my message has been clear, I wish
you courage to interpret it. Signed, Roy F.
During this time Roy was living in seclusion in
a small”
motel cabin on a peaceful peninsula by the beach. He was able tothink a lot more, and write a lot more. In the
afternoons I used to go pver $o t motel and talk rey Mars b . sg Sh te yie "ohilosophy" over a“ğeəkwe and a citerette.~ Tt vad oldotta. LO
that Roy was in a state of philosophical satisfaction.
However, socially, he was suffering. He was at constant
disagreement with those around him, and they were at
constant
disagreement with him. He would sit back trying to figure it all out, or, as he says in his next paper, "...he keeps
watching this spectacle that unfolds before his eyes. felt that maybe there was something in this spectacle but found that after 8 months he could find nothing.
" Roy for him However,
in his later writings he is quoted saying,"I know I will
learn to be thankful for what I have learned from the (Madagascar)" His next paper, "The House of Livin,
analogical description of our pr a house. He ridicutes the Chri
the extrov their cl
place
—— a ae
Page 19 fl
highchair watching the absurd spectacle, end he explains the nihilist's role in the House of Living.
The House of Living
Nany people enter the house of living to seek "God" in it. Others want to have a nice time with other people. But the house of living is a dark place, and everybody goes in through a different door. They look all over the place for that light in the darkness.
Some people don't find that light and become nihilists. When they first find out that there is no light, they are afraid in the darkness, but pretty soon they get used to that darkness and can see all the people that are in the house; some cling to each other in the corner: Christians. Others try to have a good time in the light of morals, but they keep bumping into each other in the obvious darkness. 30 what does the nihilist do? He is amazed - oh yes! - and ke keeps watching this spectacle that unfolds before his eyes.
What should he do now? Oh, sit and contemn- late, wait for thase high-strunz moments in life, when he is excited and happy». Or he might want to start studying people, their actions, etc. and | just be happy in watching that mess.
But, in an emergency, the nihilist will always save his life for the seke of tasting his next meal.
So much for that break from deen thought: Roy now osophical theories as :
embarks on a similar use of phi "Rvolution...". Starting with the “Evolution #£ to Johnny" paper and continuing through to the "Attitudes" paper, Roy creates new theories and doctrines, first through an auto- biographical figure and ending on a purely philosophical level, using intense terms to combine with hard core ideas.
During this Roy was reading Albert
Saw Camus more as In "Evolution to Johnny"
Camus, once nihilist the
Roy devell
a Potentiality is a certain relative awareness you might heave for an object, or an object might have for you. Absurdity is that which stendSsin an object or person; its purnose. He describes the potentiality and
absurdities of objects; building up on his idea of open
MELL elut NK sztó Page 20
awareness of the objects around.
This is the Transition (Bvolution te Johnn;
Potentislity for the absurd is our fuel. we become involved in mere trifles when we confuse a person's potentiality with en object's true poten- tiality. An object's potentiality should be geared to enhance the potentiality of the person. In this case it is the potentiality to se in different place without changing its state, and its potentiality to be compared with other odjects as eosurdly as possible and still retain its innocence to the potentiality for people to recognize as absurd only one o ct. Thus peovle can miss out on the world of the surdity of ects and get all caught up
n only a few. ‘They have to compensate for this by recognizing absurdity in people, thus having to create their own absurdities ard thus having to reject absurdities formed by objects not in their Tine". Thus people's potentiality is rejection and should be viewed as such. Absurdity is sought in objecte so thet friends will reject it and show their absurdities so that we get a better view of the world.
Jomny's Thoughts
Johnny realized that all of his thinking woulé only be there to act on other people. Then Johnny started wondering about how this world is a great big mess, and how he could get out of it (suicide? )- heavens no! He was full of so many thoughts that finally he thought he hit the right key : the thought of not being where you are! "Well, if you're not going to be here, you've got to be somewhere else," thought Johnny...
Finally Johnny reacheé the conclusion thet the feeling of not being where you are is a gigantic mixture of all the other places you've been to, although maybe you don't remember half of them. "But how could I use this in every-day thought?" wondered Johnny.
Johnny though, thought, and thought. Well, it must have to do with things eround us, and people. Maybe if we look around us and start wondering about objects sround us, just wondering when was the last time we sew others like them, and all that. But what does this have to do with people?
Johnny was really confused - other pecole do the same tning with the same objects, and of course (vaulted bridges and raised platforms where plays were performed. When Grijalva sailed along the coast he d he saw "Three towns separated..."
Page 21
Get a different fee - This feeling, thought, can be really heavy with t ghts or can be as light-hearted as the thought of God! Suppose we teke it to an extreme - that of nothingness. "Voila!" ` 7
"Now we can broach the notion of people" though Johnny, giggling at ris newly acouired french - "hand me the "j" will you Albert(Camus)?"
It wasn't too hard for Johnny to think out the next part of his thoughts - especially after that hit from Albert. By the way, if anyone has seen our friend Fred, call 21008, and ask for his mother, Mrs.Nietzche, _ for info on where to deliver him.
Anyways, this feeling must never be forgotten, therefore we must look for what people have that feeds it. What feeds it, I guess, is what is most like it. And in people, Iguess what's most like it is their ability to think about one thing and talk about it at the same time, without ever realizing how what they physically said mingles with the "feeling of the objects."
Johnny Keeps on Thinking
Johnny had dever felt like this before: he had such a cleer picture of what he was thinking "Surely," he thought, "all people don't have the same feeling of the objects that I do, and so thgy probably don't think about the same kind of things I do when they talk and do things."
Johnny had reached a good point, but he decided to a) simplify things and call "the feeling of the ovjects"
Nothingness.
nd now he couldn't wait to sit up in his chair and think out a good definition fo this word he just came up with.
Well let's see, feeling of the objects is certainly a large feeling it involves all the ojects around us; and the objects they imply. He remembered that the day before, while he ate peanuts in front of his favorite parrot, he had used notinzness to get the feeling that he was not where he was, "My, what a big feeling," thought Johnny. jé
Then, in talking avout objects, it struck him -- what deos one object have to do with anothe one? There must be some strong relationship, because if we think of all the objects around us at one time, we an easily feel that we might as well not be where we are.
"Objects have their purpose, and some can be really nice because they are used for nice things while others cen be bad because they are used for bad things." Johnny wes confused. He was more interested in the feelijg of not being somewhere but he knew it nad to do with objects
He started playing around th objects and then realized that if he took two objects that had very little to do with each other, he would feel that he might as well not be there to watch them. On the other hand if he took two objects hat had a lot to do wivh each othe, he felt that he should think about themmore, and then he would get too involved.
Me
Page 22
Johnny was really haooy. From now on he would look at objects and make wierd comparisons and then feel nothingness, But there were so many objects that Johnny thought he didn't know where to begin making comparisons. "The objects I see most are the ones I use to feel nothingness. Therefore thdy have a certain potentiality for sure."
"Wow! The tought of potentiality can really create nothingness," thought Johnny. Now he would keep an eye out for things that had the votential to be easily compared with thier ones, and the more absurd the comparision, the more nothingness § grows. Johnny knew, though, that in or.er to feel nothingness he had to be aware of all the objects around him and how insignificant each one was. "Each one in itself is insignificant because only comparisons between them amus: me. ‘he only unity I find beween objects is this common Insignificance," thought Johnny.
He still had one problem =- people. "I don't understand people," he thought as he peered into his aquarium, "some of them really beleive in God, while others have picked out what makedzthem happy in the world, and what they think is right, and heve all these morals."
Johnny had picked out his biggest trout and was taking it to his room to fry it. His thoughts were gliking over his mind, to be thought out in detail later,
He wondered, "People elso know about objects, and they probably also feel yothingness, but maybe they don't think much of it," Johnny thought. Johnny thought that he sould be able to tell how much a person .hinks of nothingness by trying to understand how aware they are of the objects immediately around them. fhe more thy are aware of them, the bigger their nothingness. Alsos people who think atot of notningness don't have any really strong religious or moral beliefs, and, mast of all, they don't thind of humerous a certain way, they just don't give to much thought id to people. For them, companionship is simoly a person's presence.
"So much for people," thought Johnny, " I don't like to think of fhem much, I much rather prefer to think of myself as a peace loving person, who is happy with his own thoughts about objects, and just goes around seeing people to share the peacefullness he has found, but then again is always gratefull for companionship, no matter what."
Page 23
Johnny was thincing about companionship.
He then realized that its meaning can be traced back to "the objects." First, all objects are recognized as insignificant when we only seek compa- risons between them. Then comes a peacefull state, brought about by the thought that nothing can go against ué since objects, including people, are
all insignificant. This state is closely related
to nothingness.
Companionship is simply the potential for two 7 people to make comparisons beween objects, sinking te pa deeper into abstract ideas and arriving at a deeper sense of nothingness.
Seay It was during this period of time that Roy had completely Shut ninseëit away fFöm tne AMEFÍGER Sanot: There Were very few peiople that he would relate to besides myself. On many occasions I tried to change his course of thoughts in order that he might enjoy his surroundings more, but Roy wouldn't have that. He was deeply devoted to his thinking and philo- sophy (although he claimed that is wasn't philosophy at all) and felt himself to be on a higher level than those around him. He had lost ell Faith im God, and rejected any of my attempts to bring him back to the Lord. Roy was his own master, king of his own Kingdom of thoughts -- solitude was his best friend. Roy was close to nature and he viewed all of it, not as something to be admired, but as part of our envirionment that we should plainly appreciate. He related to a mountain on the same level as he related to a blade of grass: all was nature, and all was to be appreciated. Objects seemed to be his main concern.
His next paper, "Inosence and Guilt," deals with the |
relation of Inosence and Guilt to potentialities and absurdi- ties. He continues his relation to objects and describes the l human attitude towards these objects, explaining a fulfilling
method in which one can benefit from the relationship. He
uses different human feeling to strengthen his point, and
concludes by giving experimental advice as to how the reader
can benefit from his feeling about objects in a systematic r
waye
Page 24 Innocence and Guilt
One point I forgot to ion in "Johnny Keeps on Thinking", was the imorotance of innocence and guilt. Innocence is recognizing a stronger potential than your own (potential for the absurd). Most of daily life is the recognition of greater potentialities for the absurd than your own.
Since it all boils down to creating nothingness out of comparesions, this is what companionship consists of. Both persons try to arrive at a state where any potentiality they have which is greater than thier companions is totally ignored, so that, with the equal potentiality they have in common, no matter whet it is, they arrive at a fuller sence of nothingness.
The ability to recognize potentiality is what we use when we are alone. It consits, first of all, in not viewing the world in a systematic order. It has to be a sinle, all-encompassing thought must be a relationship between one object and many other ones, so far as to form an attitude (when we recognize its potentiality and feel innocence). We must be carefull to only feel innocence and not what it eventually becomes, which in fact is fear. Fear comes when we recognixe th potentiality is acting directly on us. It is our thought in fact, but i$ should not be recognized as acting on us, instead, that it is acting on the world through our menial guidance.
To keeo it unsystematic, one usually tries to forget the object one is comparing to all el e. One might also keep it in the back of the mind.
Many people, search for reality, form many attitudes, and choose the ones that are most appropriate when thy need them. However, then they are not good in one attitude, so they can only feel coməarionship with the people that iorm thie same attitudes. This leads to hypocrisy.
Most of daily life, then, is forming that single attitude by remembering one object and comparing all else to it, and remembering the most significant comparasions they have make beween objects in the light of the object you were remembering. When enough co- mparisions have been make to remember the attitude, the man object should be forgotten, and tus your attitude is le t uasu ported, and starts the search for another object in order to form another attitude. Right now, you are probably using this paper as the main object, so that it conflicts with the main object you had before reading this papers! Probably you have already for-otten your main object, maybe it's your house, ofr the school, or maybe it's your night sable, rug and chaér where you read. Whatever it is, sry to switch back to it when you finish reading this, and view this paper in its light, and remember thet its light is en attitude.
Page 25
In "Attitudes," His next paper, Roy picks up where he left off in "Innosence and Guilt." He explains that his writings in "Ifnosence and Guilt! deal with the human feelings. He follows up on that by giving you a less harmful method in which to deal with it, and a method in which tt deal with the people around you.
Attitudes
The "main object" may be a group of objects, several of them, but the attitude is the same.
You may find, however, that finding an unsyste- matic way of thought is an extremely difficult thing to do. By nature we are systematic, and so we mst be systematic about some thing or the other. Since internal relations must balance external relations, we will not try to systemyz externals because then we would not te able to control our systematic thought that would follow. Instead, wh think of ourselves as systematic, in that 5e see through our eyes, hear through our ears, talk through our mouths and that our moo&s thang according to external relations. External relations are the objects of our attitudes. Externels should be understood so thet we feel th t ow our very presence is a corruption to the unsystemistion around us. On the other hand, the readers will soon come to realize that in order to follow up what has been said in the last pages, they would have to think in terma of pwople on y, they woyuld have to study thier attitudes and thy would be too consious of what they ar e immediately doing and if they are i in a good mood then. Tye reader will realize thet even thinking in terma of objects, and what piople think of them, thay will get too cought uo on whet they think of objects and if they're thinking properly of them. If we think in terms of our position in the town and the position of the people, all this is thrown down the drain. I plead to you, brothers, to first follow up as many philosophical ideas as you possibly can, and then throw them down the draiin. The best way to throw them down the drain is to think in ters of your position, comfort, hunger, temperature, time of the day, and aeeste the fact that people are not complicated at all. See in them the amount of attention they give you, the more they seem aggressive, revolting, or bothersome. Agam, pepole are walking p potentialities, try to pick out in them thier most aggressive nature, which is the most powerfull.
This is a time for me to rejoice, for my phi- losophica2i writing has come to an end. From now on 1°11 write stories.
R.F.
Page 26
In Roy's i paser, “Pahl's Letter to the Christian
Gommunity at Fort Dauphin," an assignment for Religious Studies, he takes on the role of the Apostle Paul in araly- sing the Christian Community in Fort Dauphin in a most
pius manner. He leads you to beleive that he really did beleive in God. But Roy had 211 the experiences of the aver- age Christian, and he new the objectives of Christianity.
He points out two faults in the Christan Community: thier exaggerated use of worldly values in relating to the Holy Spirit, and thier ignorance towords the Malagasy commu- nity with which they work.
Paul's Letter to the Christian Community at Fort Dauphin To the community of God present in "Fort Dauphin, Madagascar, with my ble ngs. Being called, by the will of God, to deliver a message of encouragenent and advice to your community, I pray that you may benefit from it.
When I think of our church in the present times, I always thand the Lord for you. It is with great satisfaction that I hear of thepower of God's word there. I see in Port Dauphin an unlimited future for the resence of Gods! grace and the mercifull work of the Holy Spirit. And in this I rejoice, for you have kept faithfull to my advice and, eccordingly,
I give thanks to the Lord.
My first concern is your actions and immediate triflel; if thgy lend themselves to proper guidance by the power of the Hogy Spirit. Most important of all, then, is recognition of the Holy Spirit es the source of daily consequences and inpirations. But let us not be drawn astray, for we often use worldly possessions and values te represent the Eoly Spirit. I repeat, for your sake, that our worldly values as well as those of people around us can easily be powerfull tools of Satan; we must not think highly of then. Live in Peace, and be assured in that God's promise is one whi.h deserves far more attention; it deals with eternity. In our every actions and propositions, we must keep this in mind, thaz we have chosen God's etenal salvation, and we rejoice that we acan make such choices.
There is no need for furthe compj;ication; most of them are immateriel, compared to the fulfillment our souls Know in the Holy Spirit.
Page 27
Remember, then that there is no need to be toubled or vexed when we deal with worldly events; it ss with GA's genee that we shall live unlitl the day of judgment.
My second concern is your avility to understand the attitudes of the Mala „asy peopoe. This is essential, since it is through these attitudes that God is presently working through. We must fully understan them, and together enyance in us the power of the Holy Spirit. In your dealings vith them, to no not get involved in thier personal lives; that will come when they have respect for you. Most important is to generate something in common with them; and thet is an attitude of forgiveness and love. Be open to anything they say of do; if it is sinfull; do not get upset or vexed, just your presence will show them that God's will is in another direction.
Do not get upset; be giad that you have had such an opportujity to know them better, andin your
ations and thoughts, show them the fölfillment you know and are willing to ecourage in them.
Roy was now nearing the end of his stay in “adagascar and he final y had a light to look forward to. His mother had to leave because his grandmother took ill, and Roy was finishing up his school year early in order to go with her. He felt to- tally independant from the American Community -- only school kept him linked. He still, however felt a cerain starn from thea commuhity. There was sill a certain pressure that existed on his misnd. His writing took a different course from here on, in fact he wrote his last four pieces on his last night in Fort Datiphin.
His first piece, titled "Second Letter to Soren," summurizes his philosophical thinking in the past few weeks in more mellow terms. He states that the largest resistence towards himself is the people around him, they are what leads him farther into nothingness. He brings humour and death together in a new th theory that relates to them on a different level than we commonly know them by. Ajd finelly, he explainewhow nis relationing of objects engances his philosophical thinking to 2 geeater level.
Second Letter to Soren
Tomorrow I leave Madagascar, soren, and I know I will learn to be thenkfull for what I have learned from the place. I see myself entering a normality period in my life when I will stop thinking philoso- phically, I guess I'll be applying the thoughts I learned here.
Page 28
The result of my thinking here has been signi- ficant to my mental health: I have been able to extend myself deeper into my surroundings by recognizing that which resists me. Anything that forces you t think about is resisting you. A person talking to you is resisting you because he narrows you down to a simple characterizeation which he thinks of you as.
You are not this , however, you are are an un- deternined point in nature.
What resists you, then, is mostly people, for nature deos not resist you; it is there, and only its position and variaty should interest us.
Therefore people do not become that essential, we would prefer to be in veace of mind that to have someone resisting us.
Another result of my thinking is my definition of humor: humor is the comparesion between how you are and what something else thinks of you as.
If you can really understand the latter part, there is humour. This can be expressed as seing yourself from two different eyes: someone (or something) elses’
and your own. A truly humorous person can therefore
be in real attack upon moralism and religious beliefs. Instead of seeking god, the person tries to see himself projec ed into different aspects, etc.
A sense of humour can reelly stand out in people; it is whet we use in moralistic terms, to "escane" from "reality."
In nihilistic terms, it is the biggest truth of life, and can be applied to many a situation.
A third thing I learned was never to think avout death. It is completely useless and insane.
First we must be really humorous, and then think of death as your conversion into one of those small insignificant oBjects in the world.
My most recent develonements have been the down to earth relationship between objects that have to do with one anéther. After such a long period of time soent thinking, I em now getting to know the world with this method.
Also, this recent steo shows a deveopement deeper into my feelings, so that I can make e bigger dis- tinction between myself and other people, I now get totally absorbed in things people would not think of. I presume you do not feel nity for me?
Sincerely, Roy F.
The "Second Letter to Soren" still hes the herd core philosophical touch that e=isted in all his other writings during this period. However, his last three follow a more poetic line.
Page 29 His "Letter to Fort Dauhin" blurts out his true feeling towards the town in harsh terms. He curses it for its effect on those who visit it.
Letter to Fort Dauphin
You are like the black sheep of the world. . . a knife which strikes the tender meat of humanity , . . a point in time and space that deserves no thought. What a pity that you must live. The whole town would prefer to visit thier ancestors or go to heaven, and nature is a thing to be avoided there. Port Bauphin you are small but powerfull, your message is of insane entrancement in imagination. A curse on you! At leest you only disturb those who visit you, those who come with hope of real li and find nothing but a fantastic turmoil of values, caught up end tied tò ether in peoples" mings.
fe
His "Letter to Mosquitoes" brings alot of his philosophical theories into one example; total indifference to his presence. Ee ends it with a sort of half insane plead for revelation of the true relation between the mosquito and himself.
Letter to Mosquitoes
Mosquito, you flirt with my power, deosn't take you very long to inspire my aggressiveness. but you make me think... vhat am I doing here watching you? Deos not my presence affect you?
I could be watching you from Venus with a telescope, and still you would play your part. Oh mosquito, show me how you do that#
I smash you and you are still there, only that. .
. not moving. . . Are you still playing yout part?
Show me. . . show me. . . before I die.
And finally; the last of noy's writings in Fort Dauphin, "Is he Crying." This is probably the most human approach Roy takes in all his writings. It is not philosophical, but merely poetic. It is clearly an autobiographical poem, narrated by a sympethiser who's peading for someone to at least take interest, notice, or recognition of the one who cries -- obviously Hoy, silently motionless in his darkened pathetic lonliness.
This might be considered Roy's only atiempt to look at his situation unphilosophically only to find a very sad person lost in a world of lonliness.